BDSM TERMS: The terminologies of BDSM can be daunting to newcomers. What is your Domme talking about when she tells you to stop topping from the bottom and take-off your Zentai suit for some CBT? What, while we’re at it, is a Domme?
So, let’s begin with the fundamentals: “BDSM” stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism, the core pillars of kinky fun. Beyond that, there’s a whole lingo to illustrate the consensual power exchange practices that take place under the BDSM umbrella. At press time there’s still no “kink” on Duolingo, so here’s a handy lexicon of some of the most widespread BDSM expressions, from A to Z.
A is for Aftercare
Aftercare is the custom of checking your BDSM partner after a scene (or “play session,” a.k.a., the time in which the BDSM happens) to ensure they are relaxed and okay about what just occurred. The Dominant partner may, for example, fetch some ice for their submissive partner ’s bruises if they have any… essentially, BDSM aftercare may involve some emotional or physical care or both. BDSM releases endorphins which can lead to a Dominants and/or submissive experiencing a sharp endorphin ‘drop.’ Aftercare helps to avoid that happening and will often include cuddling and talking about the session; kinky people on all sides of the BDSM scene need to be loved too.
B is for Bondage
Bondage is the act of tying up a submissive. For the most part, the Dominant partner (or ‘Top’) will restrain their submissive partner (or ‘bottom’) using ropes, handcuffs, Velcro, specialty hooks, clasps, or some other form of restraining method.
C is for CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)
In a BDSM context , ‘CBT’ does not stand for ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’, it means ‘cock and ball torture,’ which is precisely what it sounds like: A Dominant female partner will bind, whip, or use her stiletto heels to step on her male submissive’s cock and balls, for the purpose of inflicting a degree of ‘measured’ pain on her submissive or slave. As with all sex acts, BDSM and CBT, in particular, takes place exclusively between consenting adults aged 18 or older.
D is for D/s
D/s (capital D with a small s) refers to domination and submission, which is the nitty-gritty of a BDSM relationship. Although kinky people can be on a spectrum (see: ‘Switch’), characteristically you’re either dominant or submissive. If you take away one piece of information from this guide, it should be that even though the dominant partner in a D/s relationship may be slapping, name-calling, and spitting on the submissive, BDSM and D/s interactions are all about an erotic power exchange, not one person having power over another. The submissive needs to set personal ‘boundaries’ they are comfortable with – boundaries need to be respected, everything should be consensual and pre-negotiated. For a submissive who likes getting slapped etc. see ‘Pain Slut’.
E is for Edgeplay
Edgeplay refers to the dodgy stuff, the more taboo activities (or a strict bitch, depending on who you’re talking to) at the edge of the BDSM spectrum. Everyone’s description of edgeplay can be a little different, however, blood or knife play are two excellent examples. If there’s a chance of bodily harm then whatever it is, is likely to be a form of edgeplay. Only get bloody with a partner who knows what they’re doing without a doubt and has been tested for STD’s. You don’t have to go extreme to be part of the ‘scene’ and enjoy BDSM.
F is for Fisting
Fisting is when someone stuffs his or her entire fist inside a woman’s vagina (or into the anus). Yes, it feels good, and no, it won’t ‘ruin’ anything but your desire for vanilla sex will be history. It requires a copious amount of lube to be used and should only be performed on you be someone you trust completely… slowly and gently are the two watchwords associated with fisting whether it be vaginal or anal.
G is for Golden Showers
A golden shower (AKA water sports in this context) is when you shower your partner with your piss. Or putting it another way, a golden shower is a sex act that involves urine. This is concerned with peeing on your partner or having your partner pee on you. There are no hard and fast rules, except to say that it certainly involves pissing.
H is for Hard Limits
Hard limits are sexual acts that are ‘out of bounds’. Everybody has sexual boundaries, and you should to discuss these boundaries with any partner before engaging in BDSM play. An example in this context might be: “Please do not pee on me; golden showers are one of my hard limits.”
I is for Impact Play
Are you secretly turned on by the thought of being spanked? Have you ever fantasised about turning your sex life up a notch or two – using forms of corporal punishment? Some people get weak in the knees at the thought of their underwear being taken down and having a firm hand applied to their buttocks. Others tremble with pleasure at the look and feel of a paddle, whip, or flogger. For a few, bruises make them all hot and bothered. Impact play covers BDSM scenarios in which one party is spanked, caned, flogged or slapped, etc. In other words, impact play can cover anything that ‘impacts’ on the body such as being spanked.
J is for Japanese Bondage
The most well-known type of Japanese bondage is Shibari, in which one partner ties up the other using rope and a series of intricate knots. It’s a method of restraint, but also an art form. In bondage, there can be protocols and slave contracts, forms of address, positions you must assume, behaviour and etiquette.
K is for Knife Play
Knife play is, well, knife sex. It’s considered a form of edgeplay (our parents told us not to play with knives for a reason.) If you do play with knives, do it with someone who truly respects you and whom you trust implicitly. Frequently knife play doesn’t in point of fact involve drawing blood, but is done more for the psychological excitement, such as gliding a knife along a partner’s body to encourage an adrenaline rush. Call me a prude, but I wouldn’t advise it on a first Tinder date.
L is for Leather
In the world of BDSM, leather plays a big part. Leather shorts, leather paddles, and leather corsets are fashionable, although more and more sellers of kinky paraphernalia offer vegan options for the animal-loving BDSM enthusiast.
M is for Masochist
A masochist is somebody who gets-off on receiving sexual pain… a masochist is anyone who is pleased by pain and deprivation, etc., that is self-imposed or imposed by others. It is the circumstance in which sexual or other pleasure depends on one’s suffering physical pain or humiliation.
N is for Needle Play
Needle play is a form of edgeplay (which may involve blood!), needle play means using needles on a partner. Hopefully, those needles are germ-free and surgical grade. Don’t do this with someone you don’t know well or don’t trust, please. Most practised dommes have clients who ask for or are into needle play. It can involve sticking a needle (momentarily) through an erogenous zone such as the nipple. BACK AWAY NOW IF YOU’RE uneasy… the shaft of the penis.
O is for Orgasm Denial
You know how sexual expectancy is hot? Orgasm denial is the next-level of sexual expectation for those who love a throbbing clit or a cock that’s been hard forever and is just dying to cum—which is to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the edge of having an orgasm, and then abruptly STOP and keeping repeating over and over again until the inevitable explosive orgasm is allowed to happen.
P is for Pain-slut
A pain-slut is a female submissive who knows what she wants and that’s pain and humiliation. Pain slut is a term coined by the BSDM community to portray a person, usually a submissive, who enjoys intense pain. This pain could be either physical or mental. On the BDSM scene, pain is viewed as a method of enhancing sensitivity to satisfaction and generate a sort of endorphin rush that participants find self-gratifying.
Q is for Queening
Queening is when a woman, a.k.a. the queen you are obliged to worship sits on your face. It’s just another name for face-sitting, often used in Ds play. Sometimes the queen will sit on her submissive’s face for prolonged periods. For instance, a ‘Queening Chair’ is a low chair or seat that can be placed over a sub’s face that permits oral stimulation of the vagina or anus. The seats of these chairs are usually U-shaped and are intended for a woman to perch on with her legs on either side of the U and her buttocks on the back of the U. These chairs are usually built with comfort in mind, and the seat of a Queening Chair is typically padded and there is a support just under the chair for the submissive (or ‘bottom’) to rest their head on.
R is for RACK
In BDSM circles ‘RACK’ stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, which are the BDSM community rules on how to ensure everybody is conscious of the dangers they consent to. An additional set of guidelines are the ‘SSC,’ which stress keeping deeds Safe, Sane, and Consensual.’ Genuine members of the BDSM community would like everyone to feel happy and satisfied, and only practice pain that they consent to and doesn’t result in any real harm.
S is for Switch
A switch is someone who enjoys both the dominant and submissive role. If you can get yourself a genuine switch you will be able to saviour the benefits of both sides of the BDSM scene. A switch is someone who enjoys involvement in both Dominant and submissive roles, or both topping and bottoming. They are just as or as close to being similarly content in either role. In BDSM circles, somebody may switch with, or not switch with the same partner(s). Some switches will bottom for someone specific but, only Top for another person or vice versa. Some couples take pleasure in taking turns on the roles of Top and bottom, while others prefer a more primitive kick.
T is for Topping From The Bottom
Topping from the bottom refers to when a bottom (sub) gets bratty and tries to control the scene even though negotiations state they should submit. For example, a submissive male may start yelling at his Domme that she’s not making him smell her feet exactly like he wants. It can be pretty infuriating. It can also be part of the scene itself, such as if the submissive is role-playing as a little girl with her daddy (this is called ‘age play’).
U is for Urination
Urinating means peeing. In addition to pissing on a submissive’s face or in their mouth you can also do other cool and consensual stuff with urine, such as filling up an enema and injecting your pee up someone’s anus.
V is for Vanilla
Vanilla refers to someone (or sex) that is not kinky. It’s okay if you’re vanilla. You’re normal and can still find meaningful love and relationships no matter how much society judges you.
W is for Wartenberg Wheel
A Wartenberg Wheel is a nifty little metal pinwheel that you can run over your partner’s nipples or other erogenous zones. It looks scary, but in a fun way, like the Addams Family. It can be used as part of the medical play (doctor fetish) or just for the hell of it. Fun fact: It’s a real-life medical device created by neurologist Robert Wartenberg to test nerve reactions, but kinksters figured out it was good for the sex, too.
Y is for Yes!
BDSM is all about enthusiastic consent. The dominant partner won’t step on their submissive’s head and then shove it into a toilet without a big ole’ “yes, please!”
Z is for Zentai
Zentai is a skintight Japanese body suit typically made of spandex and nylon. It can cover the entire body, including the face. Dance teams or athletes may wear Zentai, but some people get off on the sensation of having their entire body bound in tight fabric, and wear it for kinky reasons.
We hope you enjoy your new BDSM vocabulary!
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