Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore \u2014 What Should I Do?<\/p>\n
By Emma Valasco<\/a><\/p>\n We\u2019re constantly hearing that we can be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most uncomfortable questions?<\/p>\n Today\u2019s offering: what to do if your partner suddenly doesn\u2019t want to have sex with you.<\/p>\n Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore \u2014 What Should I Do?<\/a><\/p>\n Q: \u201cAfter three years together, my (male) partner is suddenly uninterested in sex. We\u2019ve had our sexual ups and downs throughout the years, but I\u2019m talking, like, overnight disinterest. It\u2019s been months now, and he hasn\u2019t initiated once. I\u2019ve tried asking him what\u2019s up, but all he says is \u2018nothing.\u2019 He even seems irritated that I\u2019m asking. I\u2019ve asked him if he still wants to be with me, and he says he does. I\u2019m at my wit\u2019s end. I can\u2019t help feeling it\u2019s my fault, or I\u2019ve done something wrong. Is it that he\u2019s not attracted to me anymore? Not turned on by me anymore? What do I do? Sex is essential to me!\u201d<\/p>\n A: I\u2019m sorry to read you\u2019re having to deal with this tricky situation with your partner; it must be awful for you to see such severe changes to his sex drive and have no idea why it happened. Sex drive issues can be complex, but there are a few steps you can take to try to improve the situation.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t Fault Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n Firstly, I want to tackle your dismay that this is somehow your fault. This is a characteristic reaction pattern that I see from so many females, and I want you to know that this is absolutely not your fault. It may not even be your partner\u2019s fault. Despite what some people think, our sex drives are not in our control; they can be affected by countless different influences. So don’t look for someone to shoulder the blame; the two of you need to work on getting your sex life back on track together, as a team.<\/p>\n Talk To Your Partner<\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s time for you and your partner to have an in-depth chat about what\u2019s happening. Tell him you want to talk about your sex life, and ask when it would be a good time to have a chat. When that time comes, I suggest saying something along the lines of, \u2018I know our sex life has its ups and downs but we need to be open and honest with each other about how we feel. The reason I\u2019m saying this is because I feel you\u2019re not interested in having sex with me anymore. We don\u2019t have sex as much as we used to and I\u2019m trying to talk to you about why that is?\u2019 If he says it’s nothing, let him know he needs to confide in you.<\/p>\n Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore. What Should I Do?<\/strong><\/p>\n Look For a Reason Together<\/strong><\/p>\n His sex drive has gone off the boil for a reason \u2014 in over a decade of hearing similar stories to yours; I have never seen somebody who lost their sex drive entirely with absolutely no reason at all. Sometimes it seems like there\u2019s no cause, but a bit of time and digging always uncovers a reason.<\/p>\n Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore. What Should I Do?<\/p>\n Here are some of the most common reasons:<\/p>\n If you think it may help, you can tell your partner that you read an article that said there\u2019s always a reason for a sudden drop in a person\u2019s sex drive. See if it helps him to feel more at ease talking about what might be on his mind.<\/p>\n Say What You Want<\/strong><\/p>\n As part of your chats together, its key for you to let him know what you need from your relationship. He shouldn\u2019t feel pressured to be intimate when he\u2019s not ready, but he should be willing to listen and respect your needs. Don\u2019t focus on quantity; instead, talk about the quality of the sex you’ve had together. What point does sex serve for you personally and in your relationship? What do you miss when the two of you feel sexually apart? Saying something like, \u2018I miss being close to you\u2019 will come across better than, \u2018I need sex 4 times a week.\u2019<\/p>\n Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore. What Should I Do?<\/p>\n Work With Him<\/strong><\/p>\n Jointly, you and your partner can try to address what\u2019s causing his change in desire. I highly recommend booking an appointment with a couple\u2019s therapist or a sex therapist if things are really bad or seem impossible to deal with without help. If you suspect something might be wrong, health-wise, offer to go to a doctor\u2019s appointment with him. If he has issues at work or in his personal life, ask what you can do to support him. Remember, you\u2019re both on the same side and want the same thing.<\/p>\n You Should Instigate Sex<\/strong><\/p>\n In your question, you didn\u2019t bring up whether you instigate sex. A dynamic that I often see play out with couples is that one person takes on the role of the initiator more frequently (or sometimes exclusively). Over time, they can get tired of always being the one to instigate the sex, so they start pulling back. They secretly hope their partner will start instigating the physical side, and get frustrated if their partner doesn\u2019t. This might be what\u2019s happening with your partner.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also essential to instigate sex because it helps you remember that your needs are important. If you cut yourself off from instigating sex, you run the risk of cutting yourself off from your sexuality in a broader sense.<\/p>\n Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore. What Should I Do?<\/p>\n Be Patient\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n Your first chat (or first few discussions) with him might not go great. Sex drive is a very subtle, complex issue, and people often feel very sensitive about it. Keep trying and don\u2019t give up on him or on your relationship… remember he may need help. If he is willing to talk and work with you on your sex life, you owe it to him and yourself to be patient with him. Sex drive issues can take some time to bounce back. Make sure he knows you value him working with you on such a delicate subject, and tell him you\u2019re 100% with him on helping to overcome any issue or self-doubt he may have.<\/p>\n …But Sometimes You May Need to Walk Away<\/p>\n On the other hand, if he point-blank refuses to talk about his lack of interest in sex or unwilling to work with you, then you may need to think about the possibility that your relationship has run its course. You can\u2019t wait for your partner to meet all of your sexual needs, but he should at the very least be willing to talk about the issue and make an effort to work with you. If he doesn\u2019t, that could be a sign that he doesn\u2019t have enough respect for you, your needs, or your relationship.<\/p>\n Article: Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore. What Should I Do?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore \u2014 What Should I Do? By Emma Valasco We\u2019re constantly hearing that we can be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most uncomfortable questions? Today\u2019s offering: what … Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2346,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1079],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2330"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2330"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2330\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4997,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2330\/revisions\/4997"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Partner Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore. What Should I Do?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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