Using fantasy role-play to manage your emotions is a powerful tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By Emma Valasco<\/a>, Post-graduate Sex Therapist, London, England<\/p>\n\n\n\n None of us can alter the past, we can alter how we feel about the past!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I often hear how essential it is for children to use their imaginations. However, adults can advantageously use thoughts and fantasy to handle their emotions and feel better. In fact, the use of fantasy is one-way trauma therapists heal psychological wounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The brain cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Picture yourself running, and the evidence shows your brain reacting as if you are in running. This goes some way to explaining why using imagination and fantasy is a powerful tool for feeling better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t believe me? Try this quick test:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take four or five deep breaths and conjure up a colourful image of someone or something that makes you happy: your partner or best friend, eating your favourite food or listening to your favourite song \u2014 anything that makes you feel good. Stay with that image and keep honing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, did you notice a positive change in your physical state? Did your breathing or heart rate change? Do you feel warmer? More relaxed? Well done! You just used the power of thought to make something physical happen and feel better, physically. This technique is known to be extremely good at boosting the sense of emotional well being. Our society has a bias against adults using fantasy and imaginative play. Why? Because society considers fantasising to be morally wrong as it can lead to fantasising about taboo subjects. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A big taboo around fantasising is around sexual fantasies.\nAlmost everyone I have spoken with about sex feels guilty about their sexual\nfantasies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What if you could use fantasy without guilt or shame and be free to fantasise to feel better? That\u2019s part of what I (and other therapists) advocate. Four ways you can use your imagination to feel better: <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you\u2019re upset, imagine as vividly as possible a serene,\ncomfortable place of your choosing, and breathe deeply. Feel yourself relax.\nAdd sensations to make your fantasy more realistic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if you\u2019re imagining the beach, smell the salty\nair and feel the breeze on your skin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your core authentic Self is loving and compassionate. But\nwhen anger is triggered, you are overtaken by a specific biological agenda: you\nwant to attack in order to defend and protect yourself! To safely release the concentrated\nemotional energy in your system, try imagining what your anger \u201cwants to do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I was 5 years old I would hit my younger brother when he was getting the attention I wanted. My mother taught me it was absolutely fine to be angry with my brother, but it was not okay for me to hit him. She taught, \u201cwe don\u2019t hit people!\u201d She bought me a blow-up punch bag and told me I could pretend it was my sister and punch it all I wanted! I loved this idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I remember this lesson even though it was 28 years ago. Mum was ahead of her time in many ways \u2014 she knew making me feel guilty would only fuel negative feelings between my brother and me. Giving me an opening for my imagination turned something toxic into play. My brother and I have remained very close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you are feeling sad and down, try imagining your ideal\npartner loving you in exactly the right way for you. You can choose your\npartner or your sex contact here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The great thing about fantasy is that we are not constrained\nby realities. Let this comfort you. Imagine how good they make you feel as\ndeeply as you can. If you like hugs (like I do), use your imagination to\nactually feel being hugged on your skin. Conjure up everything you need to make\nit feel real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The key to keeping sex exciting (especially when in a monogamous relationship) is the use of fantasy role-play scenarios. Put any guilt aside and approach your fantasy positively and let your imagination run free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Imagine anything that excites you. This is far from a betrayal\nof your partner. It is a loving addition to your relationship that helps\nmaintain your real-life emotional balance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To sum it up:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Give yourself far-reaching consent to use your imagination\nin any way that serves you. Experiment! Do\nmore of the imaginative role play that feels best. If something doesn\u2019t bring\nrelief, don\u2019t be hard on yourself just keep testing and playing. Using\nimagination and fantasy role play keeps us creative, keeps our brains \u201cin\nshape,\u201d and will quite literally make you feel better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Article: Fantasy Role Play Helps to Manage Emotions. By Emma Valasco<\/p>\n\n\n\n Related Articles <\/p>\n\n\n\n Watersports Fantasy<\/a> | Sexual Fantasy v. Reality<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Search adult blogs<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Using fantasy role-play to manage your emotions is a powerful tool. By Emma Valasco, Post-graduate Sex Therapist, London, England None of us can alter the past, we can alter how we feel about the past! I often hear how essential it is for children to use their imaginations. However, adults can advantageously use thoughts and … Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5195,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[83],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5193"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5193"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5193\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5204,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5193\/revisions\/5204"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5195"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xxxsexcontacts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Astounding scientific fact: <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
1. Imagine a quiet place to calm down<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
2. Discharge anger by imagining what you feel like doing to the person who angered you<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. Imagine your very own custom made person who loves you exactly as you need<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
4. Use sexual fantasies to spice up your life<\/h3>\n\n\n\n