Dating Women: 12 Golden Rules to Getting a Date

Dating Women: 12 Golden Rules to Getting a Date

Dating Women: 12 Golden Rules for Asking Women Out

Want To Ask Her Out? Make Sure You Follow These Golden Rules

Asking a woman out can be a difficult and awkward experience for lots of guys, especially if you don’t really know what you’re doing. You’re exposing yourself to rejection, revealing the limits of your conversational abilities and attempting to forge some sort of meaningful connection with a complete stranger in a short space of time. No wonder most men would rather hit the pub with his mates for the night.

The truth is, though, that everybody finds dating a little bit tricky, even the most brilliantly eloquent and genetically blessed among us; but most of us want to be in some kind of close, romantic relationship ultimately, and the only way to get there is through the uncomfortable dating stage. The key to making the whole practice as smooth as possible is to know what you’re doing, and this usually involves tweaking a few key variables that are within your control and adjusting your attitude towards the stuff that you can’t change. If you think you could benefit from a little help in the dating department, here are our 12 golden rules for asking women out that will have you confidently approaching women in no time:

  1. Be Well Groomed (Dating Women)

Let’s start with the basics, and that means making sure you look your best and smell great will give you a strong basis to feel confident when it comes to asking women out. Whether you’re a handsome model type or someone more modestly gifted in their looks department, you should always make the best of what you’ve got packaged in a carefully chosen outfit, with a decent haircut and well-groomed facial hair, if you have any.

What you wear when you approach women will depend to some extent on the environment you’re in and who you are as a person. If you’re not a three-piece suit type, don’t go to the nearest eating place dressed like the Wolf of Wall Street in the hopes of picking up, because it will come across as forced and desperate. Just wear the best version of a get up you would normally be seen in on any other day, open neck shirt and maybe that designer jacket you splurged on years ago for instance. And remember to take some care over your hair – look smart, and top it off by making sure you smell good! This is an aspect of grooming often forgotten about, but it’s one that can make all the difference, so select some aftershave that smells great and, importantly, that works for you.

  1. Choose Your Setting Carefully (Dating Women)

It might be obvious to say this but you shouldn’t be approaching women just anywhere and asking them out. Women are not likely to want to be approached at the gym, or while they’re at work, for example, these are places where women go to get on with their everyday lives, and being asked out in these environments can be seen as irritating, uncomfortable and potentially even intimidating.

As an alternative, limit your approaches to situations where women can realistically expect some flirting and romantic contact. Parties are fine and clearly, dating-focused events like speed dating and singles nights are perfect. If you’re not sure about a particular setting, proceed on the side of caution, and if you must approach a woman in an unconventional setting, take extra care to be very polite and relaxed in your approach — and think hard about what “must” means here; is her comfort really worth less than your desire to approach her?

  1. Stick with Good Digital Etiquette (Dating Women)

Up until this point, we’ve assumed your approach will be in-person, but these days, fewer and fewer men getting dates based on chatting up women in bars. Instead, they’re joining online dating sites and/or downloading dating apps in the hope of meeting hot women, and a slightly different set of rules apply to online interactions.

Online dating is not a totally dissimilar world to in real life dating, so many of the same rules of in-person communication will still apply: being polite and up-front still goes a long way, for example, as does being a kind and interesting talker. However, online dating is different in that the social distance when interacting using devices can make it easier to cross boundaries. Men who are shy in person may send vulgar text messages, say, or may be tempted to send a dick pic, although the same individuals would never, ever, flash a woman in person. Dating apps can now and then be the Wild West, and you need to make sure you’re landing dates rather than ending up on women’s block lists.

A good rule of thumb, then, is to imagine your digital approach in an in-person context: would you ever approach a woman this way IRL? If not, why would you do it online? Is it okay to ask a woman out by text? Again, think about the context: is this a woman you know from work who has given you her phone number to communicate about a work project? Resist the temptation to ask her out, because it’s unlikely to be appropriate. Is she a friend of a friend you met at a party and got on well with? There’s no reason a sociable, well-crafted approach by text couldn’t work. Don’t say or do anything online that you wouldn’t do in real life is probably good advice.

  1. Craft a Strong Opening Message (Dating Women)

Whether you’re asking a woman for a date IRL or through a device, you’re going to need to consider the words that you’ll use when you first approach her. In person, a simple ‘hi’ rather than some corny pick-up line is probably best. However, when you are communicating with a woman via a device, it requires some thought: for example, a simple “hi!” message might annoy her because it tells her nothing about you – expect a message like that to be ignored and end up with the over 40 identical messages she’s received, so try working on a question about her profile or complimenting her photo as an alternative.

On-and offline there’s a sweet spot between an opening that is too blunt and selfish, and one that’s over-the-top, corny and long. Keep things punchy, friendly and polite and you shouldn’t go wrong.

  1. Cultivate a Healthy Approach to Rejection

Approaching women can be hard because you’re opening yourself up to rejection, a hurting feeling most of us try to keep away from at all costs. You’re never going to like hearing “no thanks” or “sorry, I’m not interested”, we get that, but having the ability to take rejection on the chin is a vital trait for anyone looking to date proactively and fruitfully.

Feeling more relaxed about rejection (it happens to everyone, so don’t take it personally) not only makes a stressed situation easier, it will also benefit you by improving your odds of successfully landing dates. Why? Well, the more amiably you’re able to handle rejection, the less of a personal toll it will take on you: you’ll be spending less time having a fit and licking your wounds after getting a “no” and more time realising that there are plenty of fish in the sea, not all of them are going to want to date you, and that says nothing about your overall appeal as a person. This awareness will give you more self-belief to approach a greater number of women, thus escalating your odds of ultimately hearing a “yes”.

  1. Think about Body Language

A tip for the flesh-realm: Bear in mind how significant your body language is when you’re approaching a woman in person. Being timid or fidgeting may not necessarily put her off, but it’s definitely not going to endear you to the woman you’re approaching or make the contact feel smooth and natural. It can help to be conscious of the nervous tics you tend to exhibit and the situations that bring them out so that you can intentionally correct them in real time. As much as possible, you want to come over as being a confident and interesting person, so if need be, take a “fake it ’til you make it” approach. Somewhat controversial but it can work!

Consider her body language. If she seems encouraging by what she’s saying, but leaning away from you or crossing her arms, it’s likely she’s just being courteous, in which case you may want to cut your losses. Remember that our bodies tell stories about us, too, so consider what yours is saying about you and the messages you may be receiving from hers.

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