Friends with benefits – Affairs/unfaithfulness is defined as sex outside the marriage/the principal relationship, when it is against the couple’s meaning of the contract.
Popularity:
Extramarital Affairs/Infidelities is widespread. Most estimates point to around 60% of women are willing to say that an affair has occurred sometime in their marriage and it suggests that 70% of all marriages experience an affair.
Why do People have friends with benefits [have] an Affair?
Main reasons given by the unfaithful partner include:
Feelings of entitlement/one deserves to be happy
Sexual newness
A call for intimacy
A need for diversity
Lessening the stress of intimacy in the main relationship
Falling in love
The marriage/relationship has been bad for a long time
Their spouse is no longer good-looking
To show they are still young and still have it
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A factor analysis study of 4375 people concluded there seem to be 4 types of justifications involved in having an affair:
A Sexual Factor – including newness, inquisitiveness and thrill
An Emotional Factor – involving understanding, friends with benefits and enrichment of self-esteem
An Extrinsic Motivation – including reasons such as power and control and getting even with a spouse
A Love Dimension – including falling in love, getting affection
GENDER DIFFERENCES? Friends with benefits
Several studies have found the following gender differences around affairs.
Some of these findings include:
Most women seem to be more approving of affairs for sexual reasons.
Women tend to engage in extramarital affairs more frequently, starting earlier in marriage and having multiple partners
Women are more likely to have extramarital affairs with sex
Women usually seek intimacy in an affair; they are likely seeking sex and excitement.
Women who are dissatisfied sexually in their marriage are far more likely to have an affair
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Friends with benefits (confession)
I’m here to hear from married men and to explore the darker side of fetish sex. I have a code word for flirtatious chat. The word isn’t really flirtatious that’s why every time we say it it’s like the ultimate sign of ‘we need to fuck’. I currently have four admirers who message me regularly, one is a friends with benefits in Leeds, another is a friends with benefits in Bristol, I also have a friends with benefits in Rotherham and another friends with benefits lives in Aberdeen. We’re definitely going to get it on. He has three kids and a wife who doesn’t really give him the kind of sex he craves. I have a serious bf. We’re both aware of each other’s relationships.
Friends with benefits (confession)
My husband is the biggest prat around and treats me like shit, so I’ve been considering cheating on him. Every time he loses his temper I think about how I can get my own back by cheating. Should I do it? Yes I should! He basically treats me terribly and I’m desperate for a divorce.
Friends with benefits (confessions)
Well, I’m in a relationship for about eight months with this guy and we both love each other a lot. While he is my first bf, I’m not his first gf, he had one before me who he really loved (I know this because I knew him back then) it was a long distance relationship, they didn’t have full on vaginal sex but they did have oral sex – she gave him blowjobs and he licked her pussy.
Friends with benefits (confession)
Despite the category of this post, I don’t wish to cheat. I’m just so very irritated with my current situation.
Friends with benefits (confession)
I’ve been married to my hubby for about 2 years now. However, we’ve known each other for about 15 years. We were childhood sweethearts. We dated through university, and then finally got married. We’ve had many ups and downs in that time. Yet, we’ve always remained in love with each other. Over the years we’ve had a child together and built an amazing home to grow in.
But things have changed now. He has completely lost interest in sex. During the time we dated and after the marriage we used to bang like rabbits. Constantly. It was great. Now, he wants none. But I want sex….and a lot of it. I am very sexually active. If the wind blows in the right direction my nipples get hard.
It’s getting frustrating, however, trying to have sex with my hubby. I do everything I can to make him feel sexy and wanted. But he responds with negativity and reasons why he’s not in the mood.
I’ve tried to explain this to him; I’ve tried to communicate my needs. Still his response is negative.
~Sigh~
Long story short: I don’t want to cheat on my hubby. But I know who I am. And feeling this sexually frustrated, if I find myself in the right place at the right time with the right man, I won’t be strong enough to say no.
I can see something happening very soon. I’m not trying to have an affair but I’m ‘ready to go’, while my other half simply ignores me and my needs.
What am I to do?
Friends with benefits (confession)
I have a live-in partner. We’ve been living together for almost 2 months. When we were not yet living together, we were always having sex and it was really good. But now that we’re living together, I don’t know what happened. We have a lot of time together but the sex doesn’t seem to be as good.
At night we just cuddle and talk about stuff and when we start having sex, he gets distracted and seems disinterested.
For example last night, he was about to sleep and I laid on my back completely naked. I was in the mood and started kissing him, but when we were on the best part, he asked me stop because he thought our neighbours might hear us. I asked him to ignore it and just think about me but he insisted to stop and we’ll do it tomorrow.
I feel bad because it always happen. He makes excuses and I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me.
I’ve been trying to understand it but sometimes, I also have to consider my needs and it makes me want to cheat on him.
Advice would be a good help.
I have sexual needs.
Friends with benefits (confession)
I am married to my husband for 9 yrs and have never felt satisfied by him sexually. Lately I have been having random sex encounters with strangers and going into it I know that it’s just NSA.
Friends with benefits (confession)
Occasionally underwear is just underwear, and sometimes extramarital sex is just about sex. For certain, some affairs are about unmet arousing desires, however for other people – not the bulk – an affair is just about going out and getting laid.
Is staying up half the night behind closed doors texting a complete stranger about your most intimate feelings being unfaithful? The person doing it may not see it as cheating, but you can bet your partner sees it this way. When you give an emotional part of yourself to someone with whom you could potentially cheat, it’s cheating.
Sometimes, sharing feelings is as far as the affair ever goes, even though it’s true that the sense of emotional intimacy frequently leads to sex.
Here’s the truth: almost every marriage has problems. Affairs don’t occur because something’s wrong with the marriage; they happen, in part, because couples don’t know how to work together to resolve the issues they have.
The most common reasons for a marriage ending, at 56 to 61%, is ‘growing apart’ and not being able to talk to each other.
OK, sometimes the 50-something corporate CEO may seek out younger playmates, but, usually, paramours are no younger, richer or more attractive than spouses – they’re just someone new.
That cosiness is followed by sharing intimate secrets, which can then move into an arousing relationship that’s consummated with full-blown vaginal sex.
Why you should drop what you’re doing and have sex with a stranger
It’s time to twist that walk-of-shame into a sashay-of-pride, because having a one night stand with a complete stranger can be better for you than a lifetime supply of Vitamin C and jewels. Here’s why.
- It’ll make you smarter
A hot study found that sex sharpens your memory and makes you more intelligent, since it facilitates the making of new neurons in your brain. However, even though new neurons crop up when you take a stranger to bed, the enhanced cognitive benefits reduce if you don’t keep getting laid. All the more reason to take on one night stand philosophy.
- No emotional attachment
It’s hard to get emotionally attached when you just had sex with someone in the back of their car while ‘Jump’ by Van Halen is belting out in the background, it was dark, and you have no idea what their name is. Why is that a good thing? Because you get all the bodily benefits of sex, without the emotional luggage. Whether it’s the improved oxygen surge to your brain, anxiety decimation, or slew of other benefits you get from sex, when you fuck a random, you harvest the benefits with no having to be anxious about whose unbearable acquaintances you’re meeting later.
- Just about the best sex you’ve ever had
You have zilch to lose when you’re banging an unfamiliar person. They don’t know you well enough to judge you when you ask them to tie you up and eat whipped cream out of your vagina. You can ask them to do whatever you want, without worrying if they’ll get creepy and if they do, then who cares? Their inclination towards vanilla sex is not your issue. And because there’s no background to your relationship, there’ll be a hell of a lot less inhibitions, meaning you can really ask for what you want. And that’s what’ll make the sex face-meltingly excellent.
- Pick up your self-esteem
There’s nothing that boosts your self-confidence quite like seducing a hot stranger. We mean come on, they don’t even know you and they want to give up their night (or day) to be with you? That’s because you’re fucking hot, funny, smart, or worth a shag. And with all that enhanced self-confidence, you’re likely to draw more people, and be able to be even more choosy about who gets in your pants.
- Not ill at ease
It might be a little awkward when you wake up, covered in a sticky mess and you can’t remember their name, but who cares? You don’t know them. And, we’re pretty sure the rules that preside over the one-night-stand you just had say that you’re not required to stick around for any awkward breakfasts unless you feel like it. Just leave. And if you see them out and about at a future date, there’s no need to be awkward. Just be nice, say hi, and get on with your life.
- Broaden your bedroom skills
There are lots of people who are into so many diverse things, but if you sleep with them all, think how many new tricks you’ll learn. Yeah, of course we don’t mean all of them, but there’s something to be said for skills acquired through practice. And, even better, being confronted with a huge assortment of sexual tastes and techniques will help you work out what you’re into better than anything. And when you know exactly what you like and how to make it happen, you get more in touch with your own needs, and that makes sex better than scooping the top lottery prize.
Do you accept as true that friends with benefits is purely no-strings sex? Do you accept it’s a phase that some women go through on purpose to stay away from a dedicated relationship?
Some of us believe that friends with benefits can be equally pleasurable and wholly suited to our needs — not just as a matter of openly avoiding commitment.
In truth, it appears to us that friends with benefits gets plenty of bad press, as in women aren’t supposed to feel cravings (in general) or desire (in particular) — especially if they happen to be mature older women.
Many of the women we know have had a friend with benefits at some point.
Here are the top five benefits of having a friend with benefits.
- Friend’s with benefits
Whether it’s been 7 months or 7 years since your last fling, don’t we all need a friend with benefits? Don’t we need someone we can have no commitment sex with, explore sexual fantasies with, escape with, have fun with? Don’t the majority of heterosexual women take pleasure in the chemistry that floats in the air whilst exchanging intimate messages with a friend of the opposite sex?
A friend with benefits is someone you enjoy having sex with.
- Sex has its perks.
Now let’s talk about the benefits of those ‘benefits’ — as if you don’t already know.
Who doesn’t feel amazing when the sex between you and your partner is incredible?
Isn’t discovery of our sexual self part of the process? Don’t we want to enjoy the excitement, the thrill, the risk and the discovery of all that comes from sexual foreplay? Who doesn’t love the amazement of oomph, the boost to mood, the feeling of being fully alive that comes from great sex with someone other than the person you’re in a committed relationship with?
And don’t we feel a real buzz when we re-engage with our sexual selves after divorce or breakup?
- You can (and should!) practice safe sex.
In our view, if you’re looking for sex but not in a position to pursue something more, whatever discovery you embark on, you owe it to yourself to do it.
And whilst we’re on the safe sex topic –don’t overlook the condoms, do look after your privacy, and don’t make your ex the ‘friend’ with benefits!
- It’s a good way to try out new sex kinks
Some women hesitate to give voice to their sexual fantasies. It’s probably a matter of how we’re socialised.
One of the rewards of a friend with benefits is the lack of restrictions from excessively loving attachments. In other words, try out something new! For some women, there’s less concern about what a friend with benefits might feel as compared to someone we view as a possible life partner. That could mean better freedom to talk about our fantasies — or amuse them.
So why not experiment with your friend with benefits, if the idea appeals to you?
- Freedom!
In the years after a breakup – whether we have chosen it or not -– freedom comes with benefits of its own.
We believe you owe it to yourself to take the time to have fun, to discover how you might have changed both during and after leaving a committed relationship, and to explore possible sex partners with whom you might want have a sexual fling with.
Some may view a friend with benefits as no strings attached (nsa) sex. Others may see it as great sex with sufficient emotional association to feel at ease, without transforming the relationship into something that it isn’t. If it no longer suits you after a few months. Move on. But bear in mind that exclusiveness is not inevitably part of the understanding. You have your freedom, and he has his.
Who shouldn’t pursue friends with benefits?
Since friends with benefits are not automatically exclusive, that means recognising that he might fall for someone else, or you may. In that case, it’s ciao to the (sex) benefits.
Beyond the exclusiveness matter, friends with benefits is not a relationship arrangement that can work for everyone.
Are you inclined to be jealous?
Do you relate sex with love?
Do you fall head over heels for good sexual partners?
Does he have loving feelings for you, whether you give in return or not?
If any of the above is true, we would suggest you steer clear of this form of sexual activity.
There are extra compensations; you may no longer be looking for a lasting partner. You may be satisfied with your current status, but remain attracted to enjoying a sex life.