“He spat in my mouth and licked my face and he had an orgasm from that. Casual sex can be really weird at times.”
How Do Women Feel About Casual Sex? It is a fallacy that casual sex started the 60s with the arrival of birth control or the ‘flower-power’ free love movement. Casual sex is as ancient as humans. In times gone by, strong alpha men had sex with many women. They would leave them pregnant and to nurture and raise children because they were sure that’s what women were for. However, and for whatever reason, some men didn’t follow the self-seeking scumbag approach, and elected instead to provide a woman with food and shelter in return for receiving sexual favours – the man and woman would give each other loyalty, and raise their offspring together. History shows that over time, men and women favoured the latter, and so was born the glorious idea of ‘family’.
It goes without saying that women prefer sex in a committed relationship – women are not just for procreation. It follows then that many women will tend to have a complicated view of one night stands, but for others, it’s stress-free and fun. To get a handle on women’s views and how they’re shifting, we asked British women how they feel about casual sex. Here’s what they told us.
Sara, account manager, 25
When I was at university everyone was hooking up all the time, so casual sex isn’t a new concept to me. I had a pretty awkward experience, and so don’t want to revisit what happened to me back then. But I have sexual needs, and I want someone to fulfill them. I don’t always want to enter into a committed relationship and have to cope with all the demanding stuff that comes with. Sometimes commitment is what I want, but definitely not with every hookup that happens. Sex and love are not the same. Sex is just sex, but when love and commitment are in the mix the sex changes to ‘making love’ – there’s a big difference.
When I look back over the relationships I’ve had, the sex was always better when we had strong feelings for each other. I won’t lie though—orgasms are exciting. The first time I had casual sex with someone I felt quite dominant. It was a case of ‘OK I fucked some guy and I don’t even know his last name.’
Casual sex is like a transaction when there’s little cuddling and you just walk away after the sex. It can be a shitty feeling when the guy you are with is texting other girls and you do have to be careful about contracting an STI. I’m much happier when I have a real connection with someone, but it’s OK to satisfy your needs too, you can take precautions to prevent becoming pregnant and casual sex these days seems to be considered very normal.
The sexual encounter I remember the most was with a guy who was really caring, he asked me what I liked and he did his best to please me. Although I do prefer sex when emotions are involved, even if it’s casual.
I didn’t set out to have sex by chance. We had both been drinking, and it kind of just happened. I never expected it to go beyond just sex or turn into anything ‘special.’ I would favour sex in a faithful relationship any day over casual sex. I would feel comfortable with the one I have a connection with and also will be sure about him not being a sexual pervert or murderer or something. Casual sex can make me happy—but only for a few minutes when I orgasm—which isn’t certain to happen by the way. Thinking about it, I wouldn’t call it happiness as such—more a transaction by consent.
Georgina, estate agent, 23
I’m too young to get into a committed long-term relationship but I come across guys who are really good looking, and there’s chemistry between us. The sex is just fun. I by no means expect anything more than that to happen. I’ve never had serious feelings for anyone during a hookup, and I know for a fact that I will not find a guy I want to settle down with through this route. Guys who want sex as soon as they meet you aren’t guys looking for anything serious. Casual sex makes me happy if I’m sober. It’s basically sex in general and also the fact I want to do it and nobody forced me. I would only hook-up with older and low-key guys because they are the ones who tend to be more discreet, or at least I hope they keep our encounter to themselves.
Truth is I’ve had numerous encounters with unavailable men, so I now prefer casual sex over the emotionally draining relationships I’ve had in the past. I’m a very sexual person and believe my sex needs should be met. I’m now emotionally detached from the physical encounters I have with men these days because of bad experiences. I refuse to put up with misogyny anymore.
Fiona, flight attendant, 28
Hollow sex; the idea of no-strings-attached isn’t as simple as the term itself sounds. I’d rather have sex in a devoted relationship. It’s beautiful—there’s a point you feel a total connection and you feel safe and not used. You have trust in the person and you can be yourself. The single rationale for engaging in casual sex is because true love is impossible to find, so casual sex can satisfy the base sexual needs.
Men might say they’re all for women, but the first thing they notice about a woman is her body. Men are spellbound by girls with big tits and gorgeous figures. If you don’t have those attributes it’s really hard to find a guy who looks beyond a quickie. I like myself and want to be in control to fulfill my sexual desires. In casual sex, I have the power to call the shots and ask for what I want directly. It gives me a kind of self-belief and strength that “I’m the alpha here.”
Having an orgasm gives me immense pleasure—and it’s a rather simple and perfectly natural process. I’m in my zone, and I’m satisfied. “Satisfaction” is exactly the right word for it. Casual sex for me is something I do just satisfy my sexual needs until I find Mr. Right.
Britney, receptionist, 32
I don’t feel comfy about having sex with strangers as I need to feel an emotional connection. Casual sex would make me feel used, abused and shitty. I think sex is something you should share with someone you care about and I would feel sordid and unclean if I hooked up with someone I didn’t have feelings for. Sex is important, but I can’t get my head around the idea of just having sex casually and without any commitment. I believe the wait to find “the one” will be worth it. The reason I say that is because even if the sex isn’t great sometimes, you can both feel dad together.
Linda, communications coordinator, 25
It’s addictive. Having sex with different men feels great for a while when you think everything is under your control. But then you ask yourself, OK what next? You become insensitive after a while, and you want just to settle. It’s one of the worst kinds of depression where you feel alone particularly if you’re lacking confidence like me. There’s an enormous tendency that you’d end up settling for whatever you can get, and most of the times it is way less than you deserve. It just damages you.
Maria, 22, teacher
I had a thing on one guy when I was 18 and we ended up having sex. It was great. This was my first hooking up and sleeping with someone gig. Back then I thought if we hooked up, it would lead to a relationship, but it didn’t. We just became friends with benefits. Casual sex does not work for me; It makes me feel really bad at times, because I’m the type of person that over thinks on basically everything, so when I’ve had no strings sex, I would be upset all day and just ask myself stupid questions like “why did I do it?” “What if it was shitty?” Maybe if I were 18 I would say it’s great, but now that I’m 22, I’m not much into it. It’s just a few minutes of pleasure after all.
I’ve had some awful experiences, too. When I was 19, I was at a bar and after a few drinks starting feeling sorry for myself after coming out of a long relationship. I saw this guy and I walked up to him and we started talking and one thing led to another and we ended up shagging. While everything is happening, he spat on my foot and started licking it, and he had an orgasm from that. Casual sex can be really disgusting at times.
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