SHYNESS: Too shy to sext with a woman
Shyness can be a real problem if you are a man wanting to get it on with a woman. It’s hard being a shy guy if you want to meet women. If you are shy and see a woman you like, then it can feel impossible to get chatting to her. What if she rejects you?
Even worse, what if she likes you? Then what would you say? What if you just freeze? What would you do with a girlfriend even if you had one?
Many shy guys have felt insecure around women for years. Do you feel you will look unattractive to the opposite sex? Is the fact that you are overweight and you are scared to smile because of your slightly crooked teeth and believe your appearance is the reason women don’t show interest in you?
Shyness: Have you watched from the sidelines as the girls you liked went out with more confident men?
Shy women usually don’t have the same problems men do. As long as a woman has the required bits in roughly the right proportions, regardless of how she might feel about herself, many guys will line up to have sex with them… even if she’s shy, quiet or socially awkward.
Don’t get me wrong, women have many of their own frustrations when it comes to pulling a man. But being shy is not the same for women as it is for men.
Shyness: The truth is that many shy men can go months or even years without having a girlfriend, dating or even kissing a girl. Some women say that shyness can be an attractive quality and that you should just “be yourself”… but when they say “shy” they most likely mean the strong silent type, not an anxious socially awkward kind of man like you.
Shyness
Why is being shy so hard for a man to strike up an intimate relationship with a woman?
Well, the foremost evident reason is that self-confidence and social standing is almost certainly the most attractive things to a woman. Think back to your younger days, who were all the most attractive girls hooking up with? Was it the trendy guys who spoke up confidently, aka the ones with the most social power. There’s actually a scientific reason for this that I’ll explain more about later.
Shyness: The second problem: It’s rare (although it can happen) for a girl to make the first move. So, being shy, you somehow need to overcome the anxiety you feel when you want to chat with a girl.
And finally, what do you even say to her? This is one of the most common questions we get asked. And if you don’t know how to flirt and spark a girl’s interest… then no girl will ever seem interested in you, and getting into sexting may even seem really weird.
In this article, you will hopefully start to feel more confident when it comes to interacting with women – I’m going to offer up some key pointers to get you started. I shall start with the basics, so even if you are a virgin and totally new to sexting, you will end up with enough courage to try it – and then, with look, you will never look back.
Sexting: What to say?
There is no one-size-fits-all formula
In fact, one of my reasons for writing this article is to bust a lot of the MYTHS surrounding sexting. So let me now bust sone of the biggest myths about SEXTING.
Busting sexting myths:
Here are some assumptions about sexting:
- women don’t like sexting
- sexting is just about explicit pictures
- any woman who gets off sexting is a slut
- sexting has no positive effect
It can sometimes take a while of banging your head against a wall to realise the obvious:
- women like to sext (as much, if not more than man)
- although men are ‘visual creatures’ women are more emotional and don’t get off on seeing flaccid or erect dick pics
- women everywhere from all backgrounds and all ages enjoy sexting (they are not sluts, although some will be)
- sexting can improve sex lives, help build self-confidence and broaden one’s sexual horizons
Why not dip your toe into the exhilarating world that is sexting?
XXX Sex Contacts: Whoever you are, wherever you are from, regardless of your age (providing you are over 18 of course – as this is a UK 18+ adults only service) we have literally thousands of sex profiles for you to choose from and behind each one is a real sex contact. I guarantee you’ll see plenty of women you will wish you could meet and have sex with in real life. But this is a fantasy virtual sexual roleplay experience – although we don’t control who says what to who, the purpose of XXX Sex Contacts is one of purely facilitating sex text (sexting). Don’t worry, you will not be pressured to meet anyone in the real world.
(Side note: Even though you are engaging with women in sexual roleplay scenarios you need to accept that these conversations will never lead to dating or a girlfriend. But sexting can be a great way to improve your social skills. XXX Sex Contacts offers many advantages: you will never be ignored or rejected; no one will judge you regardless of kink or fetish you may want to act out with a secret sexting partner. The intimacy can be such that over time a virtual relationship here can become so familiar and intense that you will wish you could meet IRL)
Online dating is getting more popular, although I’m not a big fan. The fact is that almost a quarter of adults ages 25-34 have used online dating, according to some sources. However, many dating sites are a scam, besides which they don’t really work that well for shy men who lack self-confidence and socially anxious. On most dating sites the number of men will outnumber women by over 10:1 which doesn’t bode well for the shy guys.
Pro tip: Sexting can help build your self-confidence with women, discover what to say and what turns women on, whilst expanding your sexual boundaries beyond boring vanilla sex, and into a whole range of kinks and fetishes you probably didn’t know existed.
Pro tip 2: No woman wants a boring man. Be an interesting person. As Del Boy might say, I’m an international tennis coach or a pilot. Everything is a fantasy, everything is roleplay so you can be anyone you want to be, you can work for MI5 if you like!
Don’t be yourself.
Well-meaning people say “just be yourself” and eventually things will work out just fine for you.
This is bad advice. Unlike in the movies, your life isn’t a film. Scriptwriters simply write what people WANT to be true. Here’s how reality actually works: If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get the same outcome.
“Being yourself” is not going to solve your problem with women. You’ve already tried that. Has it worked? Since you are reading this article, I suspect things have not worked out for you so far. So if you want to be more self-assured around women, you’ll need to do something different. You’ll need to BE someone different. You need to develop the persona of a man women want.
Coming over as an unattractive loner who is depressed and insecure about how you look, with little sense of fashion, and the inability to even look a woman in the eyes for more than 1 second is not going to work.
You need to change yourself and your behaviour before women will find you desirable. You have to become more assertive, outgoing and interesting. You must overcome your shyness and build conversation skills. You have to learn how to become more comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable connecting with women.
(Important note: Becoming comfortable with yourself is significantly different to “being yourself” and not changing. You cannot have close personal relationships with women unless you are comfortable with yourself. I’ll explain more about this later.)
How attraction works, according to science.
First, let’s think about what attracts men.
What grabs your attention? If we’re going to be honest, it’s a woman’s appearance first and foremost. A pretty face, great breasts, round hips, soft skin etc. Men are wired to feel attraction to women they fancy.
Now, I’m not saying that looks are all that’s important to men, but physical attraction is the primary thing that attracts a man to a woman (initially at least). Only after you find a woman physically attractive are you open to being won over by personality, intelligence, and common interests, etc.
I’m sure you can’t think of a time when a woman you were NOT physically attracted to suddenly won you over with her sense of humour. (Yet this happens to women all the time.)
Why do men tend to be visual and more superficial? Because that’s the way evolution designed you. It wired you to be attracted to women likely to produce healthy kids with great genes (tits).
For example, ever noticed how the woman is almost always a few years younger than the man in most couples? Why is this? It’s because a woman who is younger than a man was more likely to have a healthy pregnancy.
(Historically: In prehistoric times.) Whether this is true or not today doesn’t matter. It was true in the distant past. And that’s when the attraction part of our brain was designed by evolution. In the stone-age, men who mated with younger women were more likely to have kids that would survive. This is why men are wired to be attracted to younger women in general.
(Note that I say “in general” because I’m talking about what is generally true, but there are always exceptions.)
Scientific studies have also found that men across cultures prefer about a 0.7 hip-to-waist ratio. Why? This is because it’s the ideal ratio to give birth to a healthy child in our distant past. Turns out human babies have extremely big heads to fit that big brain.
Simply put, fat stores around a woman’s hips are used in the latter stages of pregnancy, allowing a woman to survive to have the baby and breastfeed it in our past when food was scarce.
Between 1955 and 1987 the waist-hip ratio of a Playboy playmate varied only between 0.68 and 0.71. (Interesting?)
This male craving for youth, health, and fertility is also why women have the impulse of beautification. Almost all women wear makeup to make their lips and eyes look bigger, and usually wear revealing or skin-tight clothing to attract males – and this is the case across most cultures.
The reason why I’m explaining to you how a man’s attraction system works is so you realise that attraction is not a matter of choice. You do not choose who you are attracted to. It’s a reaction that is wired into you. Attraction is a feeling that occurs by design in response to some stimulus. For men that stimulus is usually visual: long shiny hair, nice smile, and a curvy body, etc.
It’s not you, it’s biology. Now here’s where all this science becomes useful to you.
What makes a man attractive?
A woman’s attraction system is triggered by different things to those of a man. Women are also attracted to indicators… but a woman’s attraction indicators have little to do with your body.
A man is attracted to a women’s capability to produce a baby inside her. A woman is attracted to a man’s ability to cultivate a baby outside him. How does he do that?
In any species that survives by cooperation, it does it through social power. In all social groups with pair-bonding, females are drawn to males who display power.
A man who can control a woman’s attention is sexually attractive.
You should read that 2 or 3 times so that it fully sinks in, and when it has it will change the way you see the social world forever.
It basically means that your looks aren’t nearly as important to attract a woman as you probably believed. Clearly, if you’re ugly or out of condition, it will be harder… but the primary thing that attracts women are not your looks.
Here’s the good news: self-confidence and social standing are mostly communicated by your behaviour. It’s about the way you talk and the way you act. And your behaviour can be changed with knowledge, practice, repetition, and experience. This means you can become more desirable to women by working on your image and behaviour.
First, you need to feel valuable on the inside.
There’s just one problem: confidence is hard to fake. If you feel insecure about how you come across, if you believe you’re a loser (compared to other men), and you’re sweating with nervousness whenever you communicate with a woman… it’s going to be really tricky to just “act” positive.
This is where sexting can help as you begin to focus on changing your inner thought patterns and beliefs, not just learning new conversation tricks. As soon as you believe in yourself, then self-confidence will come more easily and naturally.
One of the key mind-shifts to feel more comfortable and confident around women is to knock them off the pedestal you’ve created for them in your mind. That’s one of the big focuses on overcoming shyness around women.
Overcoming your shyness: Sexting will allow you to work on yourself. Improving your self-confidence, style and lifestyle will make you feel like a much more valuable person, and that will naturally shine through to any woman and make desirable.
Which brings me to the third step of this article…
How to sext with a woman?
The most frequent question shy men ask is “What do I say to her?” This question reveals that their focus is in the wrong place.
How you chat with her is much more important than the words themselves. Of course, you don’t want to embarrassingly run out of things to say, but a woman becomes increasingly attracted to a man when she finds ‘interesting’ – it’s not what you say, but rather how you string words together.
Your behaviour beyond words is what really matters.
What do I mean by this? Well, the most straightforward examples are:
- Come over as an interesting person – not boring and mundane
- Show you have a sense of humour – be witty
- Be respectful, but assertive – women do not like a wimp unless it’s in a D/s setting
- Create an interesting persona – skydiving instructor, explorer, airline pilot – anything which conveys success, power, adventure
- Don’t appear timid – this might be taken as a sign of approval-seeking, low status and, therefore, unattractive
- Be relaxed and comfortable: regardless of what you want, women are looking for a man to be part of her emotional security system
- If you come over as weak, homeless and unsuccessful she will instinctively be turned off.
Conveying dominance (the right kind of dominance that is!) and social power (successfulness), will be more desirable than mere words alone can achieve.
Overcoming your shyness: Getting the balance right is called meta-communication, and experienced sexters sometimes refer to this as a form of sub-communication. Improve this, and you’ll become much more attractive to women.
(Side note: you DON’T require an ultra-high degree of self-confidence to get what you want; just make improvements in the right direction. Just as a woman doesn’t have to have model-looks to get male attention men has to put care into her appearance.)
As long as we’re on the topic of how to talk to girls, I need to mention one more thing…
Touch her with what you say.
Overcoming your shyness: Whatever kind of sexting you engage in, touching her emotionally is the secret of turning a mundane exchange into a sexually charged adventure. And the sooner you start touching her mind, the sooner she will imagine she is fucking you.
So how do you mentally touch her?
You need to get her in the right frame of mind, and that means getting her trust you as well as presenting yourself as a witty persona of interest. Women you meet online will almost certainly have had some bad experiences with nasty men. So if you jump straight in without wanting to invest any emotional time to get to know her she will turn off you in double quick time.
Overcoming your shyness: You need to establish not just a connection but you need to put her at ease, show you are interested in her (and not just yourself) and above all don’t rush. Men and women tend to run at differing speeds, your speed is not necessarily the same as hers.
(Side note: No matter what you say, no matter how you come across to her – a woman will always feel more vulnerable than a man if for no other reasons than men are physically stronger and more aggressive than women. Respect and understand this.)
Article by: Emma Valasco