Who is George McCoy?

McCoy's Massage Parlour Guide

McCoy’s Massage Parlour Guide: On the Road with Britain’s foremost Brothel/Massage Parlour reviewer.

Who is George McCoy?

George McCoy has been releasing guidebooks to the UK’s massage parlours for over a decade now.

A day in the life of George McCoy, as he visits knocking-shops in and around Sheffield.

*Some names, including those of brothels, have been changed.

Wearing thick-lensed glasses and a signature tweed flat cap, George McCoy sets off at 9.00AM. He has what can be described as the loud excitable voice, akin to that of a horse-racing commentator in the final stages of the Cheltenham Gold Cup.

Prior to reviewing massage parlours, George McCoy had a business in the record industry. But at some point in history his business failed, his ex-wife died, but before she died, she divorced him and took all the money she could.

George had used prostitutes before when travelling with work and decided to make his hobby a business.

McCoy’s Massage Parlour Guide

George McCoy was born in Malvern in 1948 to two Cambridge physics graduates and has always been entrepreneurial by nature.  His first excursion into the world of business was to sell records by mail-order.  In 1990 George McCoy was turning over £2 million, but by 1995, he’d lost everything. And so began his next crusade: to deliver the first complete guidebook to the UK’s brothels, grading prostitutes on a five-star scale, recording specialisms, their working hours and charging policies, and stirring the anger of people who don’t want to see human beings rated for how good they are at blowjobs.

Sex work brings in an approximate £5.3 billion a year in the UK, and although data implies that one in 10 men have used a prostitute, George suggests that the real figure might be as high as one in three.

According to George McCoy, clients visiting massage parlours for sex include barristers, and accountants…  and even claims to know of a former foreign secretary who enjoyed dressing up in women’s clothing and having his bottom smacked. He also says that he knows of another government Minister who just went for regular sex with lots of different women.

McCoy’s Massage Parlour Guide

In the UK, selling one’s body for sex isn’t a crime, but soliciting in public is. Working in a brothel isn’t illegal, but running a brothel is. For clients, soliciting somebody for their sexual services is against the law in public, but okay in private. Therefore, George McCoy isn’t strictly committing a crime – and moreover, he doesn’t have to pay for the sex; since he’s reviewing, he typically gets sex for free.

According to George, girls say, ‘Let me show you how good I am.’  George points out that it would be rude of him not to let them lay bare their expertise.  George says. “If I think, ‘That was bloody brilliant, I’d see her for a second time,’ and give her a five-star rating. If I think, ‘Why did I bother?,’ I’d give her one star. They usually do their best because they know who I am.”

George reaches his first appointment which is at *Bentley’s in Dewsbury. It’s set inside an office block, adjoining a number of completely unsuspecting businesses.  Apparently, the landlords know but are content to keep up the brothel on the premises, as long as there’s no “funny business”. Bentley’s has been established for over 25 years and is formally licensed as a sauna. Its open seven days a week, employs six women and averages 10 to 13 clients a day.

Bentley’s is light and clean but has the kind of fusty smell that makes one inhale a little lighter than usual. George had given it a four-star rating in his guidebook, noting the staff as “versatile” with “plenty of young beauties”.

Here, George’s superstar status becomes more prominent. Grey stickers reading “Recommended by George McCoy!” peel from parlour doors, assuring his endorsement.

*Sara, the manager for the past three years, welcomes George like an old friend. They know each other very well, judging by the four-star review he gave her, but she isn’t mixed up in that side of the business these days.

George says that Sara eventually found it to be horrendous because one needs to be quite a strong person emotionally to be able to perform in that way. The punters were always nice to her, but on a mental and emotional level, she was unable to handle it long-term.

McCoy’s Massage Parlour Guide

In addition to the bodily health risks involved, over 70 percent of sex workers suffer from anxiety disorders, and over 40 percent develop depression. But George McCoy is at ease with this.

“Why would they be suffering?” he asks. “Once you get in that position, maybe it’s time to call it a day. UK massage parlours don’t want unhappy women; since one would get unhappy punters who simply would never go back for more. It’s nonsense when some people talk about women being forced to work in massage parlours against their will. Is it not better that they do that than live off the state?”

If a lady is prepared to let me penetrate her anally, then so be it.

Visiting hundreds of UK massage parlours, having consensual sex with the girls who work in them, and writing reviews about how good they were and giving both the girls and the establishments a star rating out of 5 stars is, believe it or not, George McCoy’s full time job.  When George isn’t on the road visiting brothels two days a week, he’s in his office analysing information on the internet. He’s written over 30 guidebooks on British massage parlours (brothels), with detail so thorough he claims that the Home Office looked to them to tally up official UK massage parlour figures. Mr. McCoy claims to have sold in the region of 100,000 massage parlour guides online, for £10 each.  You do the maths.  Yet says he hasn’t made any money from selling his massage parlour guides.  So, if true, why does he do it?

“I take pleasure in being given an oral session by a lady and then normal vaginal intercourse after that – nothing out of the ordinary,” he says. “Yes, if a lady is prepared to allow me to enter her anally, then so be it. But I wouldn’t ever want to insist a woman does anything.”

For all George’s graciousness, he is a man who’s built his life and career around rating women in bed. George McCoy is a man who believes women don’t appreciate the sexual longing that is present in men.  George thinks men view sex as an experience they enjoy – and has nothing to do with the reproduction aspects of intercourse.

Throughout the course of the day, George visits a number of massage parlours on his list. One is a flawlessly clean Thai-run massage parlour, and another called *The Retreat. The two places couldn’t be more different.

George greets the owner, a man in his late sixties with gnarly fingers and a macabre smile, and start talking about sex worker trafficking.

“It’s mass hysteria.” George barks. “Politicians like to frighten people, trying to paint a country which is rampant with sex trafficking.  They do this because; if people are scared they will vote for those politicians to keep us all safe. That’s all they’re fucking concerned about. If it suits them to worry us, they will worry us.”

George McCoy is cautious to distinguish massage parlour workers from those working on the street, where he admits drugs and trafficking issues might be more of a reality. “I’m not saying that there are no girls in parlours who take drugs, but so does Nigella-bloody-Lawson!”

The last but one viewing of the day is *Infinity, a four-roomed massage parlour on the outskirts of Sheffield. Complete with a gym, pool table and dungeon, it receives eight to 38 punters every day.

The proprietor, *Mike, says his establishment is one of the only places designed to be disabled-friendly. “There’s a young man expected later today who comes most weeks. He’s only 21. His dad brings him. He needs a wheelchair and speaks with the aid of a computer programme. We also attract a number of ex-military men who have had limbs blown off. They come here because they know it’s relaxing.”

By 6 PM he’s making his last stop, this parlour is a semi-detached house and somewhat different to the others he’s visited today: a work alone dominatrix. George says she’s a “bunny rabbit” compared to others.  Upstairs is where slaves are ball-gagged and pissed on.

George greets *Mistress Monica with warmth. He clamps his chubby hands each side of her corset. “George!” she exclaims. Apparently, *Mistress Monica is a strict lifestyle Mistress who only speaks in exclamation marks.

The lounge looks comparatively ordinary except for an enormous golden throne. Two men – both slaves – are occupying each sofa. One could pass for a normal everyday bloke, the other is Comic Book Guy IRL. “After a superior session,” the second says, “it feels to me reminiscent of falling head over heels in love for the first time, again. Who wouldn’t yearn to have that feeling?”

George McCoy first fell in love when he was just 19 after he spent a weekend with her looking after some poodles. But her parents insisted on breaking it off. After that, he decided that getting involved with people is more trouble than it’s worth.

George prances around the dungeon, excitedly playing with the knives and dildos.  There is a cross in the corner of the room, the idea being you are tied to it spread eagle, and you can be whipped or have your bottom-smacked. Or, otherwise, you can be round the front and have some cock and ball torture. You can be locked in that cage and left like a puppy for an hour or so. The Mistress will often sit on the throne there. They’ve got a variety of clips, which you can put on nipples and other parts of the anatomy.

McCoy’s Massage Parlour Guide

It might come as a surprise to hear that George McCoy isn’t particularly sexually adventurous. He is quite prepared to be controlled and mistreated, so long as he doesn’t get hurt.

It is pretty gruelling for those few women happily employed in sex work to continually feel that they need to protect their wish to sell sex. But that doesn’t give a good reason for overlooking, as George McCoy seems to, the many others who are bound by financial and familial dependencies, who suffer the physical and emotional tolls of performing sex acts on three or more strangers every day.

George McCoy spouts about human trafficking and despair being fabrications of authority, but one thing he has brought to the attention of society is just how tolerated massage parlours/brothels are within British society. Every massage parlour in the UK will probably say that the police know just what they’re doing and that the police let them get away with it. This does imply present frameworks might be outdated: implementing new perspectives or even regulation of the industry might help paint an honest picture of what is actually going on because currently, George McCoy’s massage parlour guidebooks could be the complete source of information we have.

McCoy’s Massage Parlour Guide

Is George McCoy right?  Is reviewing women like a product in a magazine acceptable? What is perhaps clear, is that George McCoy’s intentions are not malicious. His actions seem governed by worthlessness and loss, his job giving him a sense of purpose and status.

“Not all men are secure,” says George. “But if everyone was, we wouldn’t have any decent bloody literature. We need people who are a bit bizarre to be the Mr Rochester’s or Heathcliffs.”

Clearly, to George McCoy, men who use prostitutes are the tortured heroes of idealism. Whilst most of us live a somewhat mundane life, George McCoy lives in the massage parlour underworld, where there, he is the undisputed review king.

Find your dream girl.