Sexting Doesn’t Amount to Cheating
Sexting doesn’t amount to cheating, according to the hottest sexting survey to-date, which revealed that a massive 40% of people don’t think sexting constitutes adultery at all. We asked some on-the-side sexters if they agree.
Sexting is exciting. The act provides an opening for the sexually frustrated to show their imaginative sensibilities in a fictional text, erotic imagery, and nude or partially nude photo sharing; it’s a kind of mixed-media art form. Everybody agrees with this. However, what is less fixed: If you’re in a committed relationship and displaying your work to someone besides your primary partner, does it count as cheating?
Sexting doesn’t amount to cheating, law firm survey finds
A fresh survey, conducted by a British law firm, suggests that a lot of men and women in the UK don’t consider so. The firm, Slater & Gordon, developed the study in response to the rising number of Britons who cite extramarital sexting as grounds for breaking up. The survey of over 2,000 men and women, however, showed something else: 35% said sending an explicit text to a third party doesn’t count as adultery. Men were more liable to consider sexting someone other than their partner no big deal—with less than 50% of women believing that sexting on the side is cheating.
Even so, sexting is intimate, not least because it’s on the record. It’s perhaps unexpected that so many of us are cool about the whole sexting thing. Wondering how women felt about sexting affairs, we decided to ask around.
The latest sexting survey shows that sexting doesn’t amount to cheating
Sarah* is among the group of sexters who are faithful. “I feel that, for me, sexting with someone else while I’m in a relationship would be cheating,” she said. “If I’m sexting with someone other than my partner, I am emotionally cheating and avoiding having some type of conversation with my partner. I’m simply not able to sext with people and remain emotionally detached.”
Undeniably, though digital, sexting is not just interactive porn. There’s a real person on the receiving end of a flirty sext who will naturally send one back, which could lead to something more serious. It can be difficult to find someone who admits to sexting with a stranger where it doesn’t lead to wanting to hook up for sex in real life.
One lady, Jenny* who sexted a third party while in a relationship, pointed to the fact that sexting someone else, while you’re in a relationship, is most likely a sign that you want out. While sexting someone else may not be a direct risk to a couple, it’s a first step to walking through a door of no return. “I dated a guy straight after coming out of another relationship, “she said. “I wasn’t very into him, but I was also very sad and I wanted friendship. We were just hooking up at first (the sex wasn’t great) until he told me he wanted a serious relationship. I thought okay, why not. I wasn’t actually sleeping with anyone else at the time, so I thought being exclusive would be easy.”
Law firm sexting survey reveals sexting doesn’t amount to cheating
“The sexting started and I realised that what my depression really wanted me to do was have a boyfriend but also be slutty on the side, so I started sexting with some friends. It didn’t feel like cheating in the beginning, but then it got to the point where we wanted to have actual sex and we did.”
All that said, Jenny* still thinks sexting is “fine.” “I feel like everyone sexts while in a relationship at some point,” she said.
In a perfect world, a sexting-on-the-side situation would be with a person you sext but he or she would be a nameless stranger that you’ll never meet. Your sext lover would never get in the way of your real-life relationship. You could go on leading and justifying a fantasy double-life in sexts. No one would be any the wiser. In that unadulterated form, sexting can be real in a virtual space, amounting to neither an emotional nor physical affair. But is this realistic?
“Sexting ‘I want to fuck you so hard’ is certainly closer to an unemotional one-night stand than a serious affair,” Jenny* said. “It would be easier to forgive than if my boyfriend was having a long-term emotional affair with someone else. Not that I would inevitably be prone to forgive him though. In my experience, I’ve almost always sexted people I don’t know, so it is easier to separate the person from the emotional and physical aspects of sex.”
Leanne*, who was married when she started sexting, thought she could keep her sexting purely in the realm of fantasy by sending erotic chats to people she could never actually be with. “I mean, no attachment to those I messaged,” she said. “I started dating my first boyfriend through Facebook, we were just kids wearing jeans at the time. I saw him as fair game because I felt trapped and in need of some male attention.”
In time, her husband found out about her sexting ways and was amazingly cool with it; it leads to an open relationship. She realised that seeking out casual flings from her past meant she was unhappy and should leave the relationship. In a way, she says, she’s grateful for sexting. “Thank God for technology,” she said. “Sexting can make use of that gap that exists in any relationship; the one that highlights the space for someone else that’s a better fit.”
That’s certainly a positive way of looking at it.
*Names have been changed.