Why do men pay for sex services?

Why do men pay for sex services?

Why do men pay for sex services? Our Adult sexting Introduction Service delivers everything men want.

Celebrating 10 years… a major study into why men love xxxsexcontacts.com


Thousands of men have used our premium service. It meets their immediate sexual needs. It’s safe, private and discreet.

Generally speaking, men tend to pay for sex services because they seek admiration, acceptance or approval. Men feel a need to belong and to be a part of a community, to be accepted.

Men like to feel approved of, and then (if possible), even admired

In our niche, it is noticeable that men seek admiration, acceptance, or approval. Our job is to cater to that desire through facilitating private and intimate connections with like-minded women.

Why do men pay for sex services?

The reasons, as you might imagine, are as varied as the number of men you choose to ask.

Here’s an example: Paying for a sex service saves them time having to search around for what they want. These men are looking for specific outcomes. And they want it now. They don’t want to have to spin their wheels for too long either. Paying effectively shortens the ‘runway’.

Both men and women are often prepared to pay for things that will save them time

Time is the main force that comes down on all of us, whether wealthy or struggling, whether happy or sad. We all operate within the confines of time. Thus, we are all motivated to pay to use a service that ‘creates’ more time or increases the quality of the time we have.

Now, turning to our premium Adult sexting Introduction Service in particular.  The following have all shown to be important factors in the decision-making process (when it comes down to paying to use our service).

There is a small Service Contribution Charge (SCC) which is how the service is funded. The SCC includes full access to all service features and our secure messaging platform and represents great value for money.


  • Access to a service which allows them to make sex contacts faster
  • Contacting others who can help them to feel good about themselves
  • Using technology to do things quicker
  • Wanting a space where they can effectively hide their true identity (and their circumstances)
  • The flexibility to come and go as they wish whenever the urge takes them
  • Total anonymity, if that’s what they want
  • Non-judgmental when it comes down to their sexual kinks and preferences

Our service provides men with the outcomes they want in a fast way that’s convenient for them. Men want the things they want and they want them quickly. Anything that makes their lives easier is good news and welcome. The xxxsexcontacts.com service saves men a great deal of time, particularly when they are in a hurry and acting upon an immediate impulse or desire.

Why do men pay for sex services? We give men great quality and lots of choices

Our service delivers, in most cases, an awesome experience. This is a premium service that makes those that use it feel really special. Our service users enjoy the experience and they also want the pleasure they get from being a part of it. They love to be able to participate in something that others cannot (it is private and secret and it’s one-on-one). We also notice that our service users like to engage in things which others might consider taboo topics. Excitement and risk also figure high on the reasons why list.

Why do men pay for sex services? Our service users appreciate quality interactions

Those who use our service see themselves as being ahead of the pack; they want to explore new things and live a little dangerously. They like the feel of being ‘on the inside’ of something secret and special. The service gives men a way to escape the realities of a mundane life, relieve boredom and take away feelings of loneliness. Men contact women here because they get pleasure from it. And this is a biggie.

When you use our service, we give you access to some of the hottest women in the UK, one-on-one

Men opt-in to our service and are willing to pay to fulfill their sexual desires and exercise their passion. Even knowing this is not a dating site or hook up service; men are prepared to pay to be able to share their sexual wants and needs. Think of things such as:

  • Dominating or being dominated- Sharing sexual taboos which ordinarily they feel a need to suppress.
  • Acting out various sexual role-play scenarios.
  • Sharing their deepest, darkest desires with a complete stranger- Engaging with someone who is super-sexy.
  • Interacting with someone they consider (for whatever reason) ‘out of reach’ in real life.

Why do men pay for sex services? Men love this service

Men are delighted with our service because what they receive is very personal, unique and very exclusive. They can’t get exactly the same thing elsewhere else – for free or otherwise. This gives our service sustainable advantage and value.

Filtering inferior services is very time-consuming and often difficult. Men say they need to find what they want in a timely way and are happy to pay for access to a credible service.

Why do men pay for sex services? Frustration

Our service users tell us that we provide the best customer support in the business. Our terms of service are clear and accessible. Users benefit greatly from service transparency and take assurance from the fact the service is legal, regulated and fully compliant with all applicable UK rules and regulations.

Generally: Men will gladly pay for a service when it allows them to contact and interact with like-minded women in the same position as themselves. They can chat, flirt, swap intimate pictures and explore mutual sexual scenarios without fear of being called a creep or pervert.

Our premium sex text service gives direct access to a very niche community. This means service users can anonymously contact UK women who enjoy the same things they like – the same kinds of things they desire and are passionate about. They like to interact and share their experiences and sexual fantasies with others who share similar desires.

Why do men pay for sex services? Boredom

Despite there being more free adult content on the Web than any person could consume in a lifetime, men want to pay to join a niche adult community of like-minded people. One of the major benefits stated by respondents in our survey is that they like the idea that the service itself is stable, secure, and reliable – it is there for them as and when the urge takes them.

When comparing our premium sex text service to free or cheaper services, respondents expressed a view that there is no such thing as something for nothing, as immortalised by the cliché: ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch.’ They are, therefore, sceptical that any free or cheap service can deliver the quality they are looking for. Moreover, respondents expressed a high degree of distrust with free or cheap services due to – what they see as- legitimate concerns over how personal information would be used, shared and stored.

Taking into account the opportunity cost alone (i.e. how much the next best alternative is worth), they felt they would still be paying for it. Not surprisingly safety and security scores very high in the decision-making process when it comes to adult content services.

Context also matters greatly

Our study reveals that sometimes the only way some people appreciate something is to pay for it. Our premium sex text service applies and fits nicely within this context. Some men find it easier to pay than to do what it takes to get it for free, risk disappointment and forever worry about how safe their personal information might be.

Why do men pay for sex services? Loneliness

One may be the provider of a service. One may be the person paying for a service. But, when one is getting something for free, then one is neither buyer nor seller. You become the product!

Nowadays, many people sign up to free Internet services (think Facebook, Google, etc.). When they do that, these businesses sell ‘them’ (through your audience and personal data), and not only to advertisers.

Payment creates a virtual contract

People get all kinds of offers for free things. When they accept something for free, they aren’t in a position to dictate terms. It’s not binding, and there’s no recourse. With adult content services, it’s simply not worth the risk. No one wants their personal information shared or all over the Internet.

Our premium sex text service is legal and regulated and those who use the service, therefore, have legal recourse if we mess up. A payment is an implied contract. Free always has strings.

Why pay?

We find ourselves trying to answer this very question every time we pay for firewood or bottled water and probably a few other things we’re forgetting at the moment. At first glance, the notion of paying for these things seems utterly ridiculous.


Wood to burn can be found and picked up for free and water is readily available by just turning on a tap, and yet, when we need these things in a consistent quantity, suddenly the realities of how much effort it would actually take to obtain the volume or quality we want, reveals itself to us.

A lot of drinking water is fantastic and free in both quality and abundance in the UK. But the market for having ‘pure’ water, ‘spring‘ water, ‘smart’ water is well developed and people will happily pay a premium for it.

You can make your own lunch at home for free (you have prepaid items there), or you can eat out or buy a takeaway. Many people would prefer to spend far more simply because it is easier with less preparation. We could say the same for coffee – it’s the easiest (and cheapest thing in the world) to make at home, and yet coffee-shops have people queuing up to pay.

Time is money

If you had a choice of paying £5 to see a movie or waiting in line for two hours to get a free ticket to the same movie, you’d probably pay the £5.

Also, there are certain things people just want to support. For instance, you could read 10 articles online for free, and some days you won’t read more than this or even read any articles online at all but you choose to subscribe because you think they’re one of the few entities still doing high-quality articles, which requires money to support so you want to support them.

Most things have an associated cost, whether we see it or not

Many of the respondents to our survey said they are happy to pay for our premium sex text service because they want to express their gratitude to the creators of the service. Obviously, we have spent years working to deliver a great experience to those who use our service. We could have simply chosen to put a hefty price tag on it and made tons of money but we actively made the choice not to do that. And that means a lot to our service users.

Men know what this service is about; there are no mind games and no courting

Wealthy men pay for our premium sex text service because they have time issues and because they cannot be bothered with the hassle of approaching women and possible rejections, and so forth.

Opportunity cost

If you can get exactly the same thing by doing exactly the same thing, whether paying or not being the only difference, you would go for the free option. But usually that’s not the case: you might need to wait longer, hand over personal details or risk your information being shared without your knowledge to get the thing you want for free.

In some cases, men believe they are paying for a higher quality service. A £1000 suit is going to be significantly better than a £200 suit.

People look for accountability and assurances, and these things usually aren’t included in a free service

If you read Gmail’s free account agreement, they mention that they can terminate the account any time for any reason. If this happened, you don’t have any legal rights to ask about your data and so on.

According to many respondents, they see free services as being just a promotion for a paid one. If you are looking for a quality sex service you can trust that is genuine, then you will always have to pay.

Effort and time are additional factors which are cited by respondents to the cost of something, and not just money.

They gave priority to easiness rather than money

Some respondents said that paying for the service was akin to tipping a waitress. Generously. They are willing to pay because it’s the right thing to do. Some may find this hard to believe, but it’s true. People learn fast that free stuff isn’t always free and that the quality is more often than not below expectation/what they want.

It is fair to say that many users of our premium sex text service appreciate what we have created and use it regularly, and want to thank us for our hard work, and encourage us to continue to create and expand. So they are happy to pay for the service they received.

Some respondents said it makes them feel less uncomfortable paying for something that has given them pleasure

Usually, when something is free, you are the product. People who value their privacy would rather spend some money, then have the world and his dog know everything about them.

Our study reveals some men pay out of respect for ‘the creators’ of the service and an appreciation of the women who join and give so much satisfaction. Also, they pay for one extra feature: the wonderful ‘If it costs me it’s a better experience’ bias. Although the service is a sex text service, the thrill of the chase provides many of the men with a real adrenaline rush.

For many respondents, it’s the experience of exchanging intimate messages with a complete stranger (and the anticipation of where it will lead) that they see as providing great value for money. The idea that you can’t buy happiness has been exposed as a myth, experiences make us happier than stuff.

Examples might be:

  • Some men pay good money to be spanked by prostitutes.
  • The thought of sex with a virgin is intensely arousing.
  • We unconsciously believe that things, people, and events have invisible essences that make them what they are.
  • My favourite subject is sex.


People see a quality service as positively adding value. Experiences it seems are better than material goods because of something psychologists call ‘positive re-interpretation,’ and what you might call ‘looking through rose-tinted glasses.’ An example would be: If you buy a pair of shoes that hurt or trousers that make you look fat, you’re stuck with the fact you made a bad choice. Those shoes will always hurt. But with experiences, it’s not like that. You can make them seem better in your mind.

Experiences add-value

Material possessions aren’t as good at making us happy because of something called hedonic adaptation. This happens to anything new. At first, it’s exciting — think of a new mobile — but we adapt and get used to it, and it becomes less likely to bring us joy. You could argue that adaptation is sort of an enemy of happiness. But hedonic adaptation, our study shows, doesn’t affect service experiences in the same way. People adapt to experiences far quicker.

Weighing up experiences is very subjective since it’s harder to compare experiences

That means experiences are less likely to stress you out and more conducive to happiness.

Flow is a mental state, first identified by a psychologist called Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, that you get into when you are effortlessly engaged in whatever it is you are doing. This is what athletes mean when they say they’re ‘in the zone.’ It is what spiritual gurus like Eckhart Tolle mean by ‘in the present.’ No matter what you call it, flow is essential for happiness.

Experiences are better than material goods because they somehow magically provide free anticipatory pleasure

With material goods, waiting really gets on people’s nerves — which is why we can use terms like ‘instant gratification’ and why we’re all prepared to pay to make things happen quicker. With experiences, it isn’t like that. Instead, waiting for an experience can provide a significant amount of pleasure.

Experiences are better than material goods because we are more likely to think of them as contributing to, and part of, who we are

This truth was brilliantly brought to life in the 2004 movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, in which Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet try to delete all the memories they have of each other. Inspired by the movie, Carter and Gilovich got people to take part in a thought experiment where they thought about deleting all memories of something they’d owned or something they’d done. More often than not, people thought that losing the memory of an experience would be far worse for their sense of identity.

We are people persons

Humans are social animals. We like hugs. We like to be listened to. And we like to feel as if we belong. We are, you could say, people persons. This means experiences are more likely to make us happy than material goods because they bring us closer to other people.

One of the reasons for this is that experiences make better conversation than material goods

You’re more likely to be happier, and I’m more likely to listen when you talk about what you’ve been up to rather than what you own.

What people want to pay has nothing to do with the REAL value of what we are selling. Instead, it has EVERYTHING to do with what they perceive the value to be.

Expectations shape experience

So what matters most is not the world as it appears to our senses, rather, the enjoyment we get from something derives from what we think that thing is. Drawing on cognitive-science research, humans as essentialists, meaning that we intuitively assume that things and other people have hidden, underlying natures. What we believe about the essence of what we encounter defines our impressions and experiences.

Essentialism underlies the pleasure

When we understand something as authentic or special or unique, that is foundational to our experience of it.

People often have the wrong ideas about pleasure

They often think caring about who created an artwork or caring where something came from is an irrational form of snobbery that they should avoid. Our study shows that is simply the way the mind works. It is not just flim-flam. Respondents enjoy using the service because it is original, unique, personal and private.

Our study found that service users who believe the women in the photos are the women they are chatting and flirting to enhance the pleasure they receive from their interactions. The level of service satisfaction increases significantly when pre-existing expectations are fully met.

It may not be necessary or even possible to create a better service than the one we already offer

What we try to do instead is tell people things about the service (and the women behind the profiles) that make it a more pleasurable experience. We give the service a personal feel and a human dimension and men’s needs and desires resonate with the story. Our approach does more than simply position our service. We would be selling ourselves short if we thought everything is just about getting as many men as possible to opt-in. The way our profiles are presented influence how men experience the service.

Another lesson from our study:

Men who enjoy sex a lot enjoy our premium sex text service more than men who don’t. Knowing more about sex, means you make discriminations, you categorise things better, and you can increase your pleasure. This is obvious with something like sex.


It might be argued that the men who pay for our premium sex text service are not just seeking pleasure, but also a deep sense of connection with their sexting partner. We all have a biological adaptation called ‘essentialism,’ which is a particularly clever and important adaptation that drives us to focus on the deeper aspect of things. For instance, it matters, when you look at people, not to be entirely moved by what they look like, but also to be influenced by what you believe to be their hidden properties.


Respondents said they find their job very stressful and that this service helps them to find a release. Others said that their sexting partners made them feel like they are the complete focus of their attention, they can talk to their sexting partner about anything, and they listen to their every word.


When asked. Do you still enjoy sex within your primary relationship?

One respondent said “She lost interest in sex years ago. It’s sad and I suppose we should do something about it, like going to a sex therapist, but it’s something she really doesn’t like talking about.”

How does sex flirting differ with your sexting partner and your wife?

“Firstly, it’s much more exciting and imaginative with my sexting partner. My wife would never dream of asking me what I like. She sometimes behaves as if she’s doing me a favour by talking to me about sex.”.

How do you feel after a sexting session?

“Great. Every single time. My sexting partner makes me feel so good about myself, and like I have really pleased her, too. I feel very satisfied and relaxed. And I don’t feel guilty, because it’s not the same relationship as the one I have with my wife. I don’t feel as if I’m doing anything wrong.”

Why do you contact women through this site?

“My wife and I have a very good marriage. The problem is, I need more sex than she gives me. I don’t want to have an affair, as that would feel like too much of an emotional betrayal. So using this service is a good compromise – a way of getting what I need without letting my wife down. If I didn’t have a sexting partner, I would probably turn to adultery, which would hurt her even more and probably end our marriage.”

“I justify what I do by reminding myself that I work hard all day, so my secret sexting sessions are my reward for being a good husband and father the rest of the time.”

Do you still enjoy sex with your wife?

“We’ve been together many, many years, and our sex life is loving and sensitive, but it’s usually all over in about 20 minutes. I know that’s not my wife’s fault – it just gets like that when you’ve been with the same person for years – but it is just not enough for me. If anything, my sex life with my wife has improved since I’ve been using this service. I feel sexier.”

What is it about sexting that you like?

“I think the most honest thing to say is that it’s just different to sex in real life. I get to explore my sexual desires with lots of different women, and there’s an added quality that comes with that. It’s who the women are that makes the difference. Who they are and what they are, makes the experience fascinating.”

“I feel liberated after a hot sexting session. It’s a very individual thing. I feel really good after; warm and buzzing is how I can best describe how I feel.”

“Trust is a really big thing for me. I feel a real attachment with my current sexting partner, she is a wonderful woman and although we only get it on over text messaging I respect her and know that she respects me too.

“It’s just something I’ve got used to doing every week, a habit I enjoy, and it’s a way of satisfying my physical needs when I’m not in an emotional relationship. I’m a good-looking guy and could pull if l wanted to, but then I’d have to deal with the hassle and demands of having a regular girlfriend.”

“The great thing about this service for me is that I’m always excited when I’m about to get into a session. It’s my treat – much better than going out for a pint with my mates.”

“Every time I use this service I feel good about myself and generally feel much more relaxed. I enjoy what I get out of it personally. For me it’s purely a selfish thing.”

“I want to hang on to my marriage… so the obvious thing is to pay for something which gives me what I want and this service does that.”

While some respondents see this service as a way to relieve sexual frustration and preserve their marriage, other respondents see it as a way to avoid the complexity of relationships altogether

One respondent reflected on his previous relationships and painful break-ups and wondered: “Maybe I didn’t need to do any of that. Maybe I can have incredible moments of spontaneity, without any of the hassles.”

Simon, a shy man, has never found meeting women easy

“I’ve got a high sex drive and it is not just that I enjoy sex, but if I don’t have sex after a while, I feel terrible physically. I’ve read stuff on the Internet that it’s not good emotionally for women too to be left frustrated. I guess that’s why all these really hot women end up here.”

“If I wasn’t paying to sext with her, she wouldn’t dream of having sex with me, talk to me or give me a second glance. I know she’s an actress at the end of the day, and I appreciate what she does to make me feel good and I don’t mind paying for it.”

He pays for sex to satisfy his fantasies

“I seek out interesting experiences that make up for all those thousands of sessions of domestic sex that I can’t have and never will have.”

John describes himself as “a bit of an exhibitionist” and a “voyeur” and has arranged sex parties with groups. He says sex in his marriage lacks “a bit of excitement”. Maybe I had been spoilt from seeing other women previously when some of the sex had been very good. The sex in the marriage isn’t quite as good, shall we say.

Respondents reveal a trend which overwhelmingly sees men buying and women selling ‘to trade intimate time with women in exchange for payment’.

Why do some men happily pay for our premium service?

The same reason why you seek any other service. You desire something; you can’t/don’t want to get it any other way, so you pay for it.

Maybe you want a sexual experience without engaging in any sort of IRL relationship with someone else. Maybe you simply have some money to spare and you want to indulge yourself.

The consumption of our service follows some basic rules

The 24/7 lifestyle of so many people is a part of how they get their sexual kicks these days. The faster pace of life, the increase in pressure at work and long hours mean that many men look for quick instant gratification when they feel stressed.

Technology has really changed and expanded the ways in which we think about social interactions, including intimate ones

If it’s easier for someone to pop open their laptop and spend a relatively brief amount of time having exactly the sort of intimate experience they want and need at that point in their lives, so be it.

It’s an observation which perhaps places some weight in the notion that more and more men will become digitally isolated and fall into a dependency on virtual sex as they increasingly become bereft of actual physical, sexual interaction. A harbinger, if you will, of what’s already occurring in Japan, where more and more young people are supplanting sexual interaction in the physical world for virtual reality romances and online stimuli.

Why do men pay for sex services? Immediacy:

Our service is used by many to effectively ‘scratch an itch’ that hours of watching sex on screen can’t reach. Aiden: “It was during a frustrating part of my life. I was living at home with my mum. I had feelings of hopelessness and despair. There are emotional catalysts and there’s a connection, an emotional nourishment but most of the time it’s purely transactional, feeding a sexual need.

“The service creates a mutual understanding of what I want and get. All do’s and don’ts are respected and fantasies more easily explored.”

The picture that emerges does not necessarily fit the stereotype of the lonely older man … many who use the service are just as likely to be young professionals.

Why do men pay for sex services? Thrill:

We recognise ‘push factors’ – things like boredom, loneliness, or unsatisfying sex life. As well as ‘pull factors’ like availability and opportunity that influence men’s decisions to use our service. With both in play, it certainly indicates that a straight ‘end demand’ approach, which only addresses pull factors, but not push factors would be incredibly naive.

Interestingly, the research also suggests that one of the ‘pull factors’ for men is the thought it is naughty, in some cases perceived as a form of cheating with a risk of being caught and this gives a perhaps unexpected thrilling dimension to exchanging explicit messages with someone other than your primary partner. Some men are definitely attracted to the idea of getting away with it.

“I want my ideal sexting partner not to behave like one. I want her to role-play to be a pretend girlfriend, a casual date, not business-like or mechanical. To all intents and purposes [to a third person] it would look like we’re lovers.”

“I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated.”

“The fact that these women are prepared to do this job where others won’t, means there’s some capability inside them that permits them to do it and not be disgusted.”

Why do men pay for sex services? Excitement:

Though men who use our premium sex text service are sometimes stereotyped as misogynist villains or perverts, we have found that nearly half are in relationships and many crave an emotional bond. Many are family men seeking a form of intimacy.

For instance, Nick, one of the respondents said that he questioned the ‘social institution of marriage’ and explained how his interactions are more than explicit messaging. He often talks to the women behind the messages. “Part of me will enjoy chatting and flirting more than the explicit stuff, because I enjoy the human contact.”

Respondents said that their top two favourite things about the service were being able to have multiple sexting partners (56 percent).  The ability to explore their sexuality (62 percent). However, almost half (47 percent) were unhappy that they had to hide the fact they pay for the service. Thirty-five percent of respondents said they’d stop using the service if they were in a committed relationship that was sexually satisfying.

Another finding is that sexless marriages are really quite rampant, pointing to the frequency with which people search Google with the words “sexless marriage.” Men, it appears, will often cope with these flaccid relationships by seeking sexual gratification in other ways.

Many respondents said they don’t have sex with their wives, which motivated them to use the service.

“If I had a good, active sex life at home, I definitely wouldn’t be here,”

Richard (one of the respondents) said, adding that “half the time I want to feel wanted, to be sexually intimate.”

If a relationship is failing to sexually satisfy someone’s intimacy needs, why would they stay?

There are many reasons: Perhaps these men have children, or there is a financial bond too expensive to break, or it could be that they’re totally satisfied by their partner in every way other than sex.

The reasons for paying for our premium sex text service, as opposed to sleeping with someone else for free, are also many. Part of the appeal is the anonymity, as interactions are simpler and carry less baggage than an affair or “even a one-night stand.”

Some men rationalised their behaviour:

If I’m paying it’s a transactional service and not a betrayal – this is just sexual with no emotional attachment. I am not in love with my sexting partner and never will be, it is purely a service I am paying for.

This behaviour is sometimes the result of an inability to share one’s self completely with a partner. Some men choose to use our premium service because they can’t be honest about some taboo part of their sexual identity. For instance, they like to be dominated but are expected to play a dominant sexual role with their spouse, or because they’re interested in fetish sex but are in a vanilla marriage, or because they like to wear women’s lingerie.

Erotic conflict

When there is an erotic conflict, men can turn to our service as a way of addressing that conflict: one respondent identified as a heterosexual crossdresser and shared this aspect of his sexuality with his sexting partners because he had tried sharing that part of himself with women he’d dated in the past, but these [relationships] did not last.

In most of the scenarios encountered, the partner of the man who is paying for our premium sex text service is unaware of the behaviour. Monogamy is a funny line, in that some of the straight married men who use the service claim to have permission from their wives to go to strip clubs, to go to massage parlours that include sexual gratification, or other various non-monogamy agreements, but these rarely include sexting another woman.

Could such behaviour be positive, or is it implicitly harmful?

Sometimes men use the service during regular times away from home—for instance, if they travel for work. Their home life may be phenomenal, but they become very lonely and very horny while they’re away. Using our premium sex text service becomes a transactional way of having their needs met.

Some guys will just go up to their hotel room and masturbate to porn—other guys will use our service to exchange intimate messages with women they don’t know. In this case, they say it has a very positive effect on the relationship, otherwise, they might be having an affair

Why do men pay for our sexting service?

What do men look for when engaging in sex text?

In order to answer this question, we asked 175 men who have used our service through an online open-form. 95.8% of the respondents were men and the others were women of various sexual orientations who provide intimate sex text services.

All of them were invited to answer the following question: “Why did you engage in sex text with women you don’t know?”.The responses were open and the respondents could offer more than one reason. Organised results were organised around central topics.

The winning motivator?

Practicality and lack of commitment! It was mentioned by 81 of the respondents. Then, as follows: “fetish, curiosity or taboo break” (50), “insecurity, needy or loneliness” (42), “sexual desire for a specific female ‘type’” (11), “search for an adult service with secrecy assured” (10), and finally four (04) of them did not know or did not want to answer.

The oppressive man, the needy man, and the human man

James: “For me, the service was a way to engage with women and role-play fantasy scenarios without a strong involvement. No barriers, no guilt and no emotional load – good or bad – that comes with IRL sex. And I wanted variety.

So we thought I’d ask men outright: why are you happy to pay for this service?

The answers are way simpler than one might imagine:

1 They want to engage with MUCH hotter women

“If I’m being brutally honest, the hottest women I’ve ever chatted with have been through this service. I would never be able to chat to women who are ridiculously hot in real life.”

This was the top reason most men gave. We were surprised, since many of the respondents claimed to reasonably good looking, successful in their chosen fields, and have no problem getting dates in real life. But they all agreed that the quickest, easiest and least complicated way to get it off with stunning women was to use this service.

2 They want to be in control

“I still want to make sure that the woman is having a good time. But truthfully, I’m more concerned that I’m getting what I want, since I’m paying for it. And because I’m paying, I’m not afraid to ask her to act out my sexual fantasies whatever they may be.”

Most men said there’s something very hot in being able to role-play various fantasy scenarios with super-hot women they would never meet in real life, no questions asked. (Although some men did admit they are paying so that SHE could be in charge.) But generally, they all admitted to being more open about what they wanted and more satisfied when they used this service.

3 They want to indulge in a fantasy

“I like to try things — I’m not going to say what — that a girlfriend once told me was kinky.

When I pay for this service, I’m not worried about what I ask for. Nothing shocks them.”

The old cliché of men wanting to role-play certain sexual fantasies that would offend their wives is part of it. One man said that he’d never be able to mention the subject of anal sex to his wife, even in a text message.

Most service users simply want to pay to find the quickest route to having an intimate connection.

Having a secret sex partner here is so easy: no strings attached, you can choose the woman you want before you pay for any private role-play scenario, couldn’t be easier.

4 They want to avoid complications

“We want to explore and fulfill our sex fantasies without all the bullsh*t of pretending to be really interested in the person we are exchanging private messages with. When you pay for this service, it’s a private thing between consenting adults. You pay, exchange messages and can be as intimate as you want to be, there’s no pressure or commitment. Everyone knows why they are here, you get what you want. Everyone is happy.”

Several of the men had previously had one-night stands with girls who wouldn’t leave them alone after the fact. They said that taking home a girl and sleeping with her seems like a great idea… until the girl suggests meeting again or wants to start dating or having a relationship. As embarrassed as they were to admit it, many of them said the sure-fire way to have no-strings-attached encounters was to keep things at a distance. This service is one way to keep fantasy and reality separate.

5 Its legal, regulated and compliant

Service users aren’t desperate men; it’s just that at some point we all need to have a bit of fun or some intimacy, or just feel loved – without worrying about whom we are, where we come from or what we look like. You don’t have to be desperate to benefit from having a secret sex partner here. It should be, at the end of the day, about having some fun.

Our service users are people of every age (over 18), size, shape, colour, from every background, who are into all sorts of weird and wonderful delights.

Benefits of using the service over real-life affairs

6 It’s well worth the money

Men who use the service often refer to the women behind the profiles as tramps, sluts, and slags because it fits with their fantasy.

7 Basic Instinct

Of course, the simplest explanation for men paying for the service is that they like it. After all, people are generally willing to pay for activities they enjoy as much as they do sexual interactions.

  • A man can usually get sex for free in the context of an ordinary intimate relationship.
  • There are no social characteristics that basically distinguish one of our service users from other men, nor are these men defined by obvious personality problems.
  • The only correlation’s we see apply to risk-taking.
  • The more secure and orderly a man’s life is, the more he believes in his own invulnerability.

A study of service users underscores the diversity of the men who [pay] to engage in acts of sexting

Accordingly, these individuals use the service for varied reasons. Some of them indeed are driven purely by sexual impulse.

Many of these men are either sexually frustrated (because they are not getting satisfying sex elsewhere) or hedonists who want to live out their erotic fantasies in a red-light setting.

Many men feel freer to experiment within the context of commercial sexting than with their wives or girlfriends, enabling them to expand their sexual range and to experience greater sexual fulfillment.

Yet we have identified emotional and psychological motivations among some men who choose to pay for our service

We have spotted a type of romantic service user who imagines that he is having a genuine relationship with his sexting partner based on mutual trust.

When asked to characterise their sexting partners, most service users rated them as ‘charming’ and ‘open.’ Some also said the women are very ‘intelligent’ and ‘witty.’

Many of the men painted a picture of a perfect woman whom they would like to get to know better. A few even stated ‘I can easily imagine her as my wife.’

These men have emotionally charged relationships with the girls behind the profiles. They portray these relationships as intimate despite their commercial nature and limited scope.

The behaviour of male customers during their encounters with their sexting partners also may suggest that they seek a social connection or a kind of remote friendship

Sexters often ask indiscreet questions such as ‘Where do you come from?’ or ‘Is Lara your real name?’ As if to continue their ‘relationship,’ many if not most men prefer to go back to the same sexting partner over and over again. More than two-thirds of devotees engage with the same persona over 50 times. One in four contacted the same partner more than 100 times.

But why would a man turn to sexting the women behind our profiles—as opposed to a girlfriend, wife or another consensual female lover—to satisfy his need for a social bond?

One reason may be that real relationships with women are risky and complicated, features that men do not always want and cannot always handle. Sexting partners here are far less exacting than girlfriends and wives and may even be soothing to the psyche.

That is, an ordinary female date might reject a man or happen to be tired, distant or not in the mood. In contrast, their female sexting partner here will accept their admirers unconditionally and offer intimacy on demand, whatever their true feelings.

The women behind the profiles offer men some degree of emotional involvement, psychic stability and empathy

In this regard, ordinary men pay for this service to deal with their psychological insecurities as well as their sexual needs. The idea that sex – in its many forms – can be therapeutic dates back thousands of years.

These are men whose sexual desire is switched on by not having to care about the women they are contacting—the opposite of the intimacy hypothesis.

One thing that turns service users on is being able to exercise ‘power’ over the other person – this is more about exerting control over them than about a quest for intimacy and romance.

“Material” Girls

The men who use this service will frequently speak about sex ‘as a consumer product rather than an expression of intimate relations.’

One man compared sex text to ‘going to McDonald’s.’ Indeed, on the Internet, where a person can remain relatively anonymous, many men will refer to women as ‘material’ and may also describe misogynist submission fantasies.

Some service users may even have a social agenda to go along with their personal predilections. For many of them, a dominant sex text session represents the last bastion of anti-feminism. Only here can men re-establish the traditional male dominance over women.

The females behind the profiles are not the real drivers of the service

Instead, the business survives because of demand from the legions of males who have problems in their relationships with women.

Why do men choose to use this service?

This may seem like a silly question with a one-word answer, but the reasons are actually quite complex and could be key to understanding the changing face of relationships in modern times.

Our study has illuminated personal stories of loneliness, to pure desire.

The most common reason why men said they used this service was to satisfy an immediate sexual urge; 21 percent of the time men wanted to select women with certain physical racial and sexual stereotypes such as being submissive; 20 percent said they use the service because they were unsatisfied with their current relationship; and 15 percent said one of the biggest motivators to use the service is because there is no emotional connection or commitment.

No responders said they use the service because of a sex addiction or because they had been drinking.

What’s your honest opinion of guys who pay for this service?

Lynn: “Probably lonely. I don’t have an opinion, as long as both parties involved are consenting adults.

We charge the men who want to contact women a small fee towards the associated costs of providing the service. There are two great benefits to this. The first benefit is that this only allows women to be contacted by men in the UK who are over 18, meaning they won’t have random men contacting them. The second benefit is that because men pay a contribution to the costs associated with running a safe and secure service, only those men who are 100% serious will use the service.

The main goal of the study was to determine normal sexual desires and experiences in a representative sample of our service users.

So what were the most common kinky fetishes?

Most people admitted they were into voyeurism (35 percent), while 26 percent of people said they were into fetishism. Another 26 percent fantasised about frotteurism (which entails rubbing an erect penis on a non-consenting person’s body, so we really hope this remains just a fantasy) and 19 percent expressed interest in masochism.

While men were more likely to self-report an interest in these so-called paraphilic behaviours than women, untraditional sexual tastes were still present in women, especially when it came to fantasising about sexual submission. In fact, women who report an interest in sexual submission have more varied sexual interests and report greater satisfaction with their sex lives. Sexual submission is therefore not an abnormal interest.

The take-away point?

Whatever your fantasy, you probably shouldn’t feel like a weirdo — and as long as you engage in safe, consensual sex, there’s no reason to feel ashamed of spicing things up here with a willing partner.

Experiences more than tangible goods lead to pleasure

It combines the erotic thrill of casual sex with the secret obscurity one loses too easily in this digital age.

Our service is visibly aimed at male users. But then, aren’t most sex services?

Being horny and sending your dirty feelings and dick pics to someone who is legal, willing, and waiting instead of harassing someone who is not interested.

Nothing combines the pleasure of orgasm with the ultimate safety of masturbation via virtual sex.