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Sex Dating Sites: Exposed (updated daily)

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Men who use so-called sex dating sites in the hope of meeting women in real life are a bunch of thick twats, CEO of leading sex dating site claims

[xxxsexcontacts.com is the ONLY UK sex contacts site we can GUARANTEE works exactly as it should.  For your entertainment, here’s our satirical take on UK sex dating sites that promise men sex with women who don’t exist. Now grab yourself a coffee, sit back and enjoy the read.  Oh, and please feel free to link back to this page if it hits the spot with you.]

CLICK to contact lonely bored British women

Men who pay monthly subscriptions to so-called sex dating sites in the belief they can meet women that don’t exist are completely bonkers, according to sex dating site owners.

Sex dating site consultant, Dave Fish says: “It’s time men who join sex dating sites with an expectation of meeting women in real life acknowledge that they are a bunch of thickies.

“Believing any real woman would join such sites, let alone be willing to meet and shag smelly men for fun, beggars belief.”

Steve Smith, a member of 23 different sex dating sites told xxxsexcontacts that: “Only by meditating on his own feelings, without judging them right or wrong, could he come to terms with what an absolute loser he really is.

He admitted: “At first I was doubtful because it seemed too good to be true, but these sites have a way of sucking you in with false promises. To begin with I resisted the temptation to join but after joining 23 different sex dating sites I now recognise that I was in denial that I am actually a gullible fool.

“When I sit down and really think things through, it is obvious that I’m being scammed by these fuckers.

Credit Mail Online:
Online dating service has been fined for using fake, computer-generated profiles

“I can see the pattern of how these scam sites work – first they let you join for free, then bombard you with messages from imaginary women claiming they want to meet and have sex with you. But, and here’s where the scam kicks in, to move things on you have to upgrade your free membership to a paid subscription and from then on the bastards have you.

“I am a gullible fool, but I don’t need to be ashamed of it any longer.

“I am in the process of cancelling all my memberships. I will not make the same mistake a 24th time.”

– – – read more – – –

Credit BBC:
Mass phishing attack launched against dating sites

The Dating Site Reviews ‘THEY’ don’t want you to read

Headlines and snippets: The truth about scam Sex Dating Sites
Don’t get caught out elsewhere

Updated daily!

Read lasted headlines and snippets (taking the piss out of scam dating sites)

Credit BBC:
Women warned of scam soldier dating sites

Gullible men unsure which sex dating site they’d rather be fucked-over by

Stupid men are struggling to decide which online dating site they want to be exploited by, because confusing messages and out-and-out lies told about whether it is best for Britain to remain or to leave the European Union has muddled their thought processes, it has been claimed by the adult dating industry. The EU referendum on 23 June and Euro 2016 has been blamed for a sharp drop in dating site membership.

Calls for more diversity in fuckable female profiles

Members of sex dating sites who want sex in London, Manchester, Birmingham and other cities across the UK have accused sites of not having enough choice when it comes to wanting sex with grannies, sex with mature women, fetish play and BDSM sex.

‘Members brains work 10 minutes behind their genitals’ say rich twats who operate sex dating sites

“I’m just telling it like it is”, one twat told us.

“Men who really believe they can meet women for sex in London are, frankly, willing believe in the unbelievable.

“If you knew what these men looked like and saw pictures of the women they believe want to have no strings sex with them, then you would know exactly what I am taking about.”

“We tell men what they want to hear”, say cunts

New research shows that sex dating sites pass-off fake female profiles as real, and that the cunts who run these sites continue to deny any wrongdoing in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Members of online sex site ‘Women Wanting Sex in London’ delusional thickies

Members of the WWSL site, which claims men can meet local women in London for sex, have reacted with bitter fury after learning it’s all a scam.

Sex dating site owner sued for being ‘fucking deceitful bastard’

The owner of the UK’s biggest network of online dating site scams is facing a huge lawsuit for his sites ‘being shit, rubbish, and fucking awful’.

The suit is being brought by three WWSL members who claim they are acting on behalf of over 6 million male subscribers that have been ripped off.

They told the BBC, “This is for all the male members of online dating sites who have been deliberately misled into paying monthly subscriptions believing they would get to meet local women for sex. It is all one gigantic con operated by a bunch of greedy twats and the owner of WWSL is the biggest twat of all.”

Joining sex dating site best cure for anxiety

Being completely stupid is the most effective method for avoiding anxiety, research has found.

After discovering that men suffer from anxiety issues, experts now believe the best solution is for men to join the ‘make believe world’ of sex dating.

Psychologist Amanda Cox said: “Most men are anxious about everything from earning enough money to pay the bills to whether they’re going to get laid tonight. Men who join online sex dating sites stupidly believe they will get to meet local women for sex, and that helps to relieve some of their anxiety.”

New £5 note to feature sex dating sites

In an attempt to increase the value of the pound, the Bank of England has taken the unlikely decision to feature adverts on their new range of plastic currency. By linking with the very lucrative ‘Fuck Someone’s Wife Tonight’ market, it is expected to make people believe that the new money has some ‘real value’.

The new money will feature adverts such as ‘Meet Local Women for Sex Tonight’ with the most successful scam adult dating sites featuring on the highest value notes.

Mark Carney has reassured the public that this is not a direct marketing ploy, but a sensible way to link a highly profitable market with the launch of plastic
money.

Saying: “Something that is plastic is trying to pass itself off as something other than plastic, so I think the synergy fits perfectly with online sex dating
sites don’t you?”

Owners of sex dating sites ‘almost certainly’ pricks

There is a large degree of certainty that unscrupulous individuals who operate scam websites that claim men can meet local women for sex are colossal pricks.

“If not pricks, then definitely dickheads,” said Sam Cox, Professor of ‘Pricks and Prickery’ at King Dick University.

“Statistics show there isn’t an owner of a sex dating site that claims men can meet local women for sex who isn’t a huge prick.”

Online sex dating sites successfully rebrand scam practices as ‘justifiably necessary’

After a long hard fight with everybody, scam dating sites have finally been successful in rebranding their out-and-out lie that men can meet local women for sex as ‘justifiably necessary’.

Men make decisions based on their ‘balls’

Thousands of gullible men signup to scam online dating sites every week, in the belief they can meet local women for sex, proves that men think with their balls and not their brains, it has been revealed.

Dating site owner faces huge membership backlash

The owner of a UK dating site is facing a gigantic ‘shit storm’ after it was revealed that his website has 3 million female members less than his site claims to have.

Dictionary to redefine ‘scam’ as ‘dating sites that ‘rip’ men off’

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that following thousands of negative online reviews, all posted by hugely dissatisfied members who say they have been royally ‘shafted’ by online sex dating sites, the definition of ‘scam’ will be changed.

Men looking forward to meeting women through sex dating sites ‘must be nuts’

The news that some men are really looking forward to finding women on sex dating sites where there aren’t any, so that they can have casual sex with them, has led to speculation that they must all be as thick as pig shit.

Brexit would leave scam dating sites ‘fucked’

A spokesman for the UK online dating industry told the BBC: “If the UK votes to leave the EU it could spell disaster for online dating as we know it, because it’s all down to crazy EU law which allows us to get away with feeding men total bollocks about being able to meet local women for sex.

“Once outside the EU, trading standards would be on us quicker than you can say ‘shag someone’s wife tonight’ and we’d all be utterly fucked, if not sent to prison for life”, he said.

We need more blondes with big tits, say men

Male members of adult dating sites say, unless there are thousands of blonde female members in your area with huge tits who are willing to sleep with you, then paying a subscription is a complete waste of money, it has been reported.

Gullible man Carl Jones said: “You would have to be bonkers to join an adult dating site that doesn’t offer women with big tits who are willing to meet for a quickie at a moments notice.”

Men who haven’t managed to ‘hook up’ with a woman via an online dating site told to ‘try harder’

Following thousands of negative reviews about online dating sites, posted by angry pissed off men who say online dating is all a massive scam, a spokesman for the online dating industry hit back with an article in yesterday’s Daily Mail saying: “Negative reviews posted online by anonymous pricks should not be taken seriously by anyone. If there are indeed any men out there who have not managed to hook up with a busty blonde neighbour, through an online dating site, then they should try harder, take a long hard look in the mirror and have a fucking wash.”

Adding: “Online dating in the UK is working and it is working extremely well.”

However, a recent study undertaken by the University of Bangwhore, found that the number of men who have failed to get a shag is 100 per cent.

Doctor Johnson, who compiled the finished report, said: “Our findings support the view that the angry pissed off men are right to be angry and pissed off.”

Sex dating sites vote to keep women out

Members of the all-powerful online dating executive have voted to maintain their ban on allowing woman to sign up to any dating site in the UK. It was also agreed that the universal policy which makes it difficult for a member to cancel his membership be upgraded from ‘difficult’ to ‘impossible’.

In a statement released today, the chair and king tosspot of the group said: “I can confirm that my colleagues and I have agreed that the current business model for online dating sites in the UK will remain unchanged. It has also been agreed that a member’s right to cancel his subscription be looked into and tighten up.”

Men willing to join dating sites that present least amount of bullshit, according to men

Men across the country say their decision on which online dating site to join from now on, will be based entirely around which sites appear to present the least amount of obvious bullshit, blatant lies and fake profiles with pictures of Russian women who are pretending to live in affluent area like Middlesborough, according to a new online dating-habits survey.

Beautiful People dating site data sold online

Members fleeced by online dating sites say ‘it’s biggest stitch up since the Bayeux Tapestry’

Men under the impression they can meet women for sex after being told they can, have branded online dating sites as one gigantic UK-wide scam designed to take their money in return for fuck all.

An ex-employee of an online dating site, which claims to be the UK’s largest told us: “If you sign up to a sex dating site expecting to meet a woman you can forget it, there’s a 100 per cent chance that you have been robbed and that you’re stupid dickhead.”

A spokesman for the online dating industry responded by saying: “Online dating in the UK is well developed and successfully caters for a number of niche sectors such as sex with fat women, MILF, marital affairs and my current favourite granny sex. Now fuck off.”

Having no female members works brilliantly, says scam dating sites

Having no female members is the absolute best way to get the most money out of men, a spokesman for online dating has conceded.

He continued: “For decades, the wisdom coming from ‘legitimate’ online dating sites has been to have a mixed balance of both male and female members. Boy, have they got that wrong.

“Turns out you can’t actually make piles of cash by following a business model like that, because one member will hook up with another member and then cancel their subscriptions, so you end up two members down and so on.

“My advice to anyone out there wanting to set up an online dating site and make a stack of cash, is to fill it with fake female profiles showing busty blondes and the men will flock to sign up like flies round a jam pot. Seriously, it works a fucking treat.”

He added: “There are some really good affiliate programmes out there. We can provide any number of template websites, convincing profiles and pictures of women we know convert very well, that kind of thing.

“The ability to make a shit load of cash out of gullible men is so simple, it’s been there for the taking all along. Mental.”

Members file ‘cease and desist’ against dating sites

Pissed off members of UK dating sites have sought legal counsel, in order to finally put an end to these sites inundating them with emails claiming some blonde bimbo with massive tits would like to meet them.

“Getting the same old shit day after day from these scam masters is no joke,” said their nominated spokesman.

“Enough of this shit.

“We’re real men wanting to shag local women, that’s what they told us would happen if we signed up, that’s why we joined these fucking sites in the first place, not to be bombarded with shit loads of emails that have pictures of women who obviously live in Romania.

“It’s all bollocks and not very good bollocks at that.” he said

Man concerned dating sites ‘not interested in him’, says “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Steve Numb is understood to be the only person in the entire country who doesn’t get flooded with messages from dating sites telling him he can meet a local woman for sex tonight, and it’s really messing with his head.

Mr Numb, 43, is growing increasingly concerned that no UK dating site has a largest breasted blonde available for him to shag, as even his 26 stone balding neighbour regularly receives messages from stunningly gorgeous women saying they’re ‘interested in meeting up’.

Numb claims he’s never received a single email saying ‘Hey check me out’ with a link to an online dating site profile of a red-hot dream girl.

Hard to believe we know, but there it is.

Prats who work for PPI claims companies giving spam a bad name, say online dating sites

Adult dating sites have claimed that the concept of flooding people with bullshit messages about something they don’t want, don’t need and have no interest in could disappear, thanks to a bunch of upstart greedy twats.

Adult dating sites have previously dominated the annoying spam market, exploiting their unique brand of ‘Meet a Woman Tonight’ bullshit, designed to trick men into believing that they can actually meet women for sex, by simply joining a bollocks online dating site.

However, those strategies are now in danger as men have begun ignoring their inboxes after being inundated with shite messages from PPI claims companies.

One angry dating site owner told us, “For months men have just about tolerated us blasting them every day with pictures of busty blondes and telling them that they can definitely meet up for sex if they sign up – but now men are just too pissed off with spam from PPI shitheads to bother reading messages sent to them.

“Who wants to open their inbox when there is a strong possibility it will be full of bollocks from companies offering to reclaim PPI you never fucking took out in the first place?

“At least when we send messages they contain fuckable women you can wank over – I mean, who wants to hear about fucking PPI shit anyway? Not me.”

Gullible man Dave Nutter told us, “If someone expects me to open and read their messages, then they better be offering me something of interest, not fucking PPI bollocks.”

Dating site profile pic identified as 27 year old actress Emma Stone

A UK sex dating site that claims men can meet women for sex has been pulled because it had a picture of 27 year old actress Emma Stone linked to one of its online ‘Meet Women For Sex Tonight’ profiles.

John Smith who picked up on the picture said: “I joined two weeks ago because the site says men can meet sexy blonde girls for casual sex, and unlike other sex dating sites it is UK only.

“I did a site search for blondes aged 25-30, but as Emma Stone is a redhead she stuck out like a sore thumb”, said John.

The site issued a statement saying: “We have no idea how a photo of Emma Stone came to be on our website. We can confirm that the young lady in question is definitely not a member of our site and never has been. Sorry.”

Women on dating sites aren’t paying tax, says UK government

The British government has released a statement saying that it cannot reconcile the number of working women who pay tax, with the number of female members of dating sites who don’t.

A new tax, expected to raise hundreds of millions of pounds, is to be levied on female profiles from August 2016, according to a treasury spokesman.

During a late night press interview last night a government spokesman said: “If female profiles are real, which is what dating sites tell us, then the treasury calculates there must be upwards of a million women in the UK not paying their fair share of tax.

He went on to say: “Interestingly, the consultancy that undertook this research also concluded that the total number of registered members of dating sites exceeds the planet’s population by over 100 million.

“So either there is an awful lot of duplication, or someone is lying.”

Man back after weekend break says he’ll never catch up on emails he’s received from 100’s of horny women

A man who only joined a dating site last Friday, has returned home after a weekend away to find his inbox inundated with emails from women saying they want to meet.

“It is amazing how many women like me”, he said.

Adding: “The only problem is, as a free member I can’t get in touch with any of them without upgrading to a Gold Membership, which is deeply fucking annoying as it is supposed to be a FREE dating site.”

Female profiles on dating sites just ‘clickbait’

Sex dating sites use fake profiles with pictures of busty women as ‘clickbait’, it has been revealed.

A man who describes himself as a cross between the hunchback of Notre-Dame and Marty Feldman has been left bewildered by the number of drop dead gorgeous blondes who want to meet him for sex, if he will just upgrade his FREE dating site membership to a monthly subscription.

Dave Dobbs, who is currently unemployed and from South Wales, said: “It is unbelievable that so many stunning beauties should be prepared to let me shoot my smelly spunk right up into their sweet smelling pussies. Needless to say, I definitely think I will maybe upgrade my membership on Thursday, straight after I get my benefit money.”

Emma Cavendish from ‘Women Against Exploitation’ said: “It should be obvious to any sane person that these unscrupulous sex dating sites use fake female member profiles as a kind of clickbait to draw in men who aren’t quiet ‘all there’.

“Having met Dave Dobbs personally, I would like to say that he is being either foolish or extremely over optimistic if he honestly believes there are women out there fighting over his body,” she said.

Dating site membership linked to sexual frustration in Britain

The number of men joining sex dating sites is the most reliable measure of frustration among men who ‘aren’t getting enough’, according to the UK’s biggest gobshite, who is also known for being a bit daft.

John Thomas, who is a self professed expert on everything to do with anything said: “There can be no doubt that the increase in men seeking extra-marital relationships with women who don’t exist, is clear evidence that all is not well.

“Men searching for women where there aren’t any shows just how desperate these men are. What other possible explanation could there?”, he said.

Scam sex dating sites use same bullshit technique as PPI claims companies and those fucking annoying injury lawyers

Analysing the specific bullshit technique utilised by many online dating sites, it is almost an identical fit to the bullshit technique used by those fucking annoying prats at PPI claims companies and low-life, ambulance-chasing bastards, who call themselves injury lawyers, it has emerged.

5 Observations about scam online dating sites

1. They are all a massive scam
2. Female profiles are all made up
3. All subscribers are categorised as losers
4. claims you can meet real women for sex is utter bullshit
5. The owners are all mega-rich bastards, thanks to you

Don’t blame us for lies told by greedy affiliates, says sex dating industry spokesman

Thousands upon thousands of negative online reviews, posted by angry members claiming these sites are nothing but a big scam, has prompted the new spokesman for the online dating industry to release a ‘don’t blame us blame them’ statement saying: “It is all our affiliates’ fault. We recognise that our affiliate network has some over-ambitious greedy twats who have been known to exaggerate the truth somewhat, but don’t blame us.”

Dating site owner deriving immense satisfaction from being richer than you

A sex dating site owner is enjoying a deep sense of fulfilment because he has more money than everyone else, it has been revealed.

“Look, as far as online dating goes, it’s not a competition to see who can scam the most men, yet it would be disingenuous to say that it’s not me”, said the country’s wealthiest prick.

‘We will do what the fuck we like’, says sex dating industry

The new spokesman for the UK sex dating industry has confirmed that site owners can do whatever the fuck they like and will continue to rob men blind in pursuit of wealth, power and influence.

Excessive ‘photoshopping’ turns men into women

UK authorities have labelled sex dating sites as ‘unbelievable scams’.

A spokesperson said: “Claims made by sex dating sites that men can meet women for sex are misleadingly exaggerated.”

In response, the UK sex dating industry released a statement saying: “What has been referred to as a scam is merely a legitimate marketing ploy. We refute any suggestion of wrongdoing.

On the question of men joining because they seriously believe they can meet drop-dead gorgeous women with big tits.

One said owner said: “I would not go as far as saying these men must be thick, but you’d have to be pretty dumb to believe shit like that, wouldn’t you?”

Mega-rich dating site bastards called ‘mega-rich dating site bastards’

The operators of scam dating sites that have become extremely wealthy, off the back of conning men into believing they can shag local women, have been labelled as utter and complete ‘mega-rich dating site bastards’ by their own disgruntled members in news that will surprise absolutely nobody.

Adult dating site accused of fake profiles

The operators of an adult dating site accused of being full of ‘made-up’ profiles by the Daily Mail have responded with a two word statement saying: “Prove it.”

Sex dating site owner defends ‘fuck someone’s wife tonight’ promotion

A sex dating site owner has rejected claims that saying ‘fuck someone’s wife tonight’ on his website is a misleading lie.

Members of the site allege they were tricked into believing they can have sex with married women, which is a load of bollocks.

However, the site owner has hit back saying that no sane man would believe such a statement could be true, let alone take it seriously. And has defended his choice of words on the grounds that it is ‘marketing hype’ and perfectly acceptable.

“If there are stupid buggers out there that believe this shit, then they shouldn’t be let loose on the Internet unsupervised”, he said.

Adding: “Misleading gullible fools isn’t anything like the same as lying, is it?”

Men who haven’t been scammed by dating sites pretending to feel sorry for men who have

Men who are bright enough not to be fooled by the utter bollocks spouted by dating sites, are trying very hard to sound like they feel sorry for gullible idiots who hand over their money to the rich lying bastards that operate them.

Sex dating site Executive Committee sack spokesman

Operators of the UK’s most lucrative scam are rejoicing at the prospect of a new spokesman to blame for being shit.

A statement released today by the Executive Committee said: “Owners of sex dating sites have been expressing concern for some time at the increase in negative reviews posted by wankers on the Internet and felt that their spokesman didn’t do enough to get these reviews shifted. So he was fired.”

Rich twats getting richer

The pricks who run scam sex dating sites see their wealth rise as more and more men who want casual sex with a neighbour still seem to think it is possible.

Gary Bonkers from Birmingham said: “I have been a member of a sex dating site for almost two years now, and have received messages from loads of gorgeous MILFs who said they want to meet up, but it has never happen yet. I remain optimistic I’ll get to shag one of these beauties sooner or later, so I will stick with it until I can figure out what the hell I’m doing wrong.”

Dating sites more popular than ever despite being shit

The popularity of sex dating sites continues to grow as they attract an ever increasing number of gullible men who are looking for sex dates with large breasted blondes, even though it can’t happen because there are no real female members on these sites, it has emerged.

“I don’t know where the idea that sex dating sites don’t have any real female members came from, we must have a whistleblower”, said a sex dating site spokesman.

‘Hooking up and shagging women through dating sites great idea’ say men who clearly haven’t tried it

Men who haven’t joined a sex dating site seem to think that the men who have, meet a different woman every night for a shag.

Sex dating sites in UK fantastically corrupt, says president of Nigeria

The presidents of Nigeria and Afghanistan have been overheard discussing how British sex dating sites are ‘fantastically corrupt’, it has been reported.

I just want to find an online dating site that is not full of bollocks, says desperate man

 

A man desperate to shag a woman he doesn’t know and has never met says he has struggled to find an online dating site that is not full of utter bollocks, despite having been a member of every site there is, it has emerged.

Men everywhere left reeling from news ‘it’s never going to happen’

Male optimists have been left devastated to learn that the fit young blonde with enormous hooters they have been messaging for weeks, doesn’t really exist except in the mind of another man.

“Shit thick men have been left puzzled and confused at never having met a real women through a sex dating site because they are as thick as pig shit”, claims scam site owner.

Sex dating sites great for ‘hooking up with a neighbour’ say sex dating sites

Unscrupulous operators of sex dating sites that claim men can have sex with large breasted blondes who live just 6 metres away from them, have now started to roll out Automated Prolific Profit Systems, known as APPS, which can shift money from your bank account into theirs quicker than you can utter the word ‘bastards’, it has been revealed.

The launch of dating APPS is the latest technological advancement to be used by dating sites that have been absolutely fucking over gullible men for years.

Men refusing to believe ‘Huddersfield’ has so many large breasted blondes who want casual sex

A dating site that removed all female profiles that didn’t show a busty blonde with gigantic tits has run into problems in Yorkshire after replacing fake profiles with fake profiles.

“Analysis of our highest converting profiles support the view that men do indeed prefer blondes, so what we have done is justified, perfectly legitimate and makes good commercial sense.

“This is a strategic shift in order to increase profits.”, said the UK’s biggest prick and current bell-end spokesman for the UK sex dating industry.

‘It’s getting too easy now’ claims scam dating site owner

With an ever increasing number of men upgrading their FREE memberships to monthly subscriptions, a sex dating site owner has likened taking money of gullible men to shooting fish in a barrel.

Dating site scammers apparently good at it

The owners of scam sex dating sites are extremely good at scamming naive men, it has been confirmed.

Paying monthly subscription linked to being stupid

Men who upgrade FREE sex dating site membership to a worthless waste-of-money monthly subscription have extremely low intelligence, it has been confirmed.

Dating site to refund subscriptions after creating bullshit profiles

 

Following the ruling, site owner Justin Cash said: “Preying on the desperation of lonely losers is just good business”.

However, Colin Meek, one of the men taken in by the fake profiles said: “I should have known it was a scam when all that girl wanted to talk about was how sexy it would be if I clicked ‘Upgrade'”.

Man confident perfect dating site waiting for him out there somewhere

 

“I know it might sound naive, but I really believe there’s an online dating site out there that was meant for me”, said Brian Smith from Scunthorpe.

“I’ve been with a lot of sites in the past, one of my subscriptions even lasted a year, but for one reason and another they just never seemed to work out”, he said.

Adding: “I received an email last Thursday from a dating site called ‘Get Stuffed’, which I thought was a really cool name, telling me I could definitely meet a sex partner through the site. Having taken a look at the number of hot women available locally, I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life as a member.”

24 year old blonde with big tits unaware she is on 4,000 dating websites

 

Emma from Essex said: “I was shocked to find photos of me on sites where creepy men wanting sex hang out. As if.”

Dating site lies linked to owner’s wealth, report shows

In a report that shocked absolutely no one, a study has concluded there is a clear link between telling men you can put them in touch with drop dead gorgeous women who want sex and unbelievably rich bastards.

The report’s author said, in an interview with the BBC, yesterday: “What this report shows is a strong connection between lying and being a rich twat who lives in an enormous house and drives a flash car.

The report, which focuses on the UK adult dating market, found the men who subscribed to sex dating sites tended to have something seriously wrong with them on a fundamental level. “We identified these men have profound psychological and emotional problems”, the author said.

Meeting local women for sex going nowhere, it has been admitted

 

Thousands of men who have subscribed to sex dating sites absolutely determined to meet local women for sex, have been forced to accept the mind-numbing reality these sites are just full of weirdos pretending to be women.

Despite a scorching couple of days of glorious sunshine and record-breaking temperatures men’s gruelling misery continues as they desperately search for women where there aren’t any.

Man wakes from 12 year coma and commits suicide

After learning a sex dating site continued to take monthly subscriptions out of his bank account for the 144 months he was in a coma, the man discovered his house had been repossessed, he was broke and had been made bankrupt.

Men join dating sites by imagining they can meet a young blonde with huge tits

Joining a dating site is only possible by visualising sex with a delicious blonde who has a pair of massive breasts, it has been claimed.

Brian Brains, of the University of Margate that carried out the research, said: “After receiving thousands of completed questionnaires from dating site subscribers, we looked at each possible reason for joining, one by one, and frankly after eliminating the ones that didn’t stack this was the only possible explanation we were left with, so it must be right”, said Professor Brain.

Dating site aimed at women who don’t use dating sites ‘to shut tomorrow’

The site launched six weeks ago to cater for women who aren’t interesting in meeting stupid losers, has shocked the market by announcing it will go off-line on Monday.

The site owner in an emotional display of loss and despair said: “This is a colossal blow for me personally. I cannot even start to explain what it feels like to be on the receiving end of women’s largest ‘we told you so’.

“Even the astonishing advances in the way we are able to deceive people couldn’t save the day. This is a great catastrophe for the market and the biggest financial fuck up for me personally.”

A spokeswoman for ‘Real Women Who Want No Strings Sex’ said: “Joining a sex dating site would be far worse than getting stuck in a revolving door and being made to drink bottles of piss.”

Can we kill dating site owners yet? ask knife-wielding mob

After pissed off dating site subscribers are told to ‘use your imagination more’ they are asking if the lies told about meeting local women for sex are bad enough to slaughter the owners of these sites.

A spokesman for the adult dating market told the Daily Mail: “If men believe they can meet women for sex they are invariably wrong, have completely failed to understand the nature of sex dating sites and grasp the ‘get rich quick’ model upon which they are based.”

“Look, it’s like this. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you’re stupid and make bad choices”, he said.

Dating site owner has lavish, multi-million pound tantrum

The owner of a scam dating site is throwing gold bars through 90-inch televisions after the launch of his latest scam site, which is aimed at men wanting to have sex with a granny, went off-line for 4 minutes yesterday.

“I pay a lot of money to a lot of people to make sure this kind of shit doesn’t happen. And yes I am not fucking happy about it”, he said.

Joining a sex dating site to meet a local woman for sex could take up to 50 years and cost over £100,000, it has emerged

Gordon Gullible of ‘Men Wanting Sex Tonight’ commented on this latest revelation saying: “This means every male member of a dating site will be forced to take a reality check”.

In response, a spokesman for the sex dating industry said: “For stupid men everywhere it will be time well wasted.”

Students Beware!

Scam dating sites
The Student Room: “Hot women messaging you for sex is obviously fake. That never happens. It’s a way for these websites to get you to pay, so you can reply to these so called “women” who don’t even exist. A scam.”

‘Stupid’ men could be named and shamed in latest dating site hack

Hundreds of thousands of male members of sex dating sites are being blackmailed to hand over hundreds of pounds to hackers or risk their personal details, including perverse sexual activities, being posted on the Internet.

Dating site owners ‘indistinguishable’ from pile of poo, members say

According to thousands of male members of dating sites scammed by unscrupulous twats, dating site owners are no different to a huge pile of shit.

Men who like being told how it is being told how it isn’t

Men lied to by dating sites that claim they can have sex with local women have their complaints dismissed by site owners on the grounds they are ‘stupid’.

A spokesman for ‘Men Who Want To Fuck Someone’s Wife Tonight’ said: “Dating site owners are filthy despicable cheats.

“They tell us we can hook up with women and have sex, if we just upgrade from a FREE membership to a monthly subscription, but it’s all utter bollocks.

“Unfortunately our attempts to get money back has immediately died on its arse because these pricks say their business is about taking money not giving it away.”

Dating site owners top list of most hated people

Dating site owners have come top of a list of people most of us would like to shoot through the head, it can be revealed.

Felix Hogg, who compiled the list said in a BBC interview: “Dating site owners coming top of the ’10 Most Hated People List’ is quite an achievement for them as they were up against some pretty stiff competition, as you can imagine.

“There are one or two surprises this year, with dating site owners pushing Jeremy Corbyn into second position being one of them and bankers dropping down to position 10 from their previous high of position one only three years ago”, said Felix.

The list in full:
1) dating site owners
2) Jeremy Corbyn
3) David Cameron
4) Boris Johnson
5) Vladimir Putin
6) Angela Merkel
7) Jeremy Hunt
8) traffic wardens
9) tax collectors
10) bankers

Men everywhere celebrate as dating site email server goes off line

Men cheered and jumped for joy last night when the primary email server in Nigeria, named ‘colossus’, which is used by adult dating sites to spout bullshit about new female members suffered a major glitch, resulting in no emails being sent to male members for a whole 2 minutes.

Everyone ‘fucking hates’ scam dating sites, it can be revealed

Men seeking women for sex on adult dating sites always ends in dismal failure, according to a new survey of over 2 million UK subscription paying male members.

Birmingham man to sue online dating site

Tom Little from Birmingham is taking the owner of an online dating site to court alleging member fees are used to make its owner filthy rich.

In his claim Tom describes the site owner as ‘Lucifer Lord of Evil’ after being told he would be ‘pretty much buggered’ and ‘doomed for the rest of his miserable life’ for merely trying to cancel his site membership.

“These sites are full of men who pretend to be women, so men like me who join these sites seeking sex with a woman are being exploited by these sick fucks masquerading as hot blondes with big tits”, said Tom.

Dating site owner admits to ‘financially raping’ thousands of men a month

Financial rape has been defined as manipulating ‘truth and reality’ in a sexual context for personal financial gain.

There is a ‘Dating Site Owner’s Guide to Financial Rape’ which shows precisely how to rape men over and over again to get exactly what you want.

Chelsea v. Tottenham match fucks online dating revenue

Tottenham’s match against Chelsea was responsible for a dramatic fall in the amount of money taken by online dating sites yesterday, it has emerged.

As Premier League hopefuls Tottenham took on mid-table Chelsea at Stamford Bridge yesterday, every man in London and the east midlands was either at the match, trying to get into the match or in a pub watching the match, it has been claimed.

“There is no doubt in my mind that this single event was the cause of a catastrophic drop in our revenue”, said one adult dating site owner.

“What turned out to be a good day for Leicester was a really, really shit day for us.

“Whenever there’s a big match or major sporting bollocks I invariably get financially fucked.

“God knows how much it will cost me when the Leicester team tour the city in an open top bus”.

Men refuse to believe dating site lies

Even gullible men are now starting to disbelieve dating sites that promise they can fuck their next door neighbour for the price of a membership upgrade, it has been revealed.

“I thought everything I read on these sites was the truth, the hole truth, and nothing but the truth. Then again, I am rather gullible”, said member Colin Collinson.

Scam adult dating sites: All female members made up

Every female member on every sex dating site is merely a figment of the site owner’s imagination, it has been revealed.

Sex dating site trademarks the word ‘Scam’

Having conned thousands of men into believing they can meet local women for sex, a leading adult-dating, sex contact, site has demanded rights to anything referred to as a scam.

A spokesman for the company explained: “Look, no one had even heard of the word scam before we started to take men to the cleaners”.

Adding: “Other shady businesses are now using variations of our adult dating scam to make themselves as rich as us and we want our cut. We are the original scammers, so we are pushing for a 75 per cent cut of every scam on the internet, which sounds perfectly reasonable to us”.

Scam dating sites insist UK record for signing up stupid men ‘can be beaten’

Scam dating sites plunged into further crisis after arseholes who run them were forced to admit they all share the same database of women that don’t exist.

FREE adult dating sites aren’t ‘free’ at all

Male members of dating sites are nothing like as happy as you might expect after promises they can shag local women. These sites tell men they can ‘join for free and meet local women for sex’. However, these sites are not free and they have no female members.

Loathsome adult dating site owners continue to rake in millions

Smug owners of scam dating sites get richer by the day as they exercise their frightening power over gullible men who rush to upgraded pointless free memberships for worthless monthly subscriptions.

Adult dating site membership made up 100 per cent entirely of creepy men

Gullible men who join adult dating sites and upgrade their membership, believing they will meet women for sex, say they are not ‘gullible fools’. Members of adult dating sites claim upgrades are not done by them, but by a creepy pervert who appears in the bathroom mirror.

UK women refusing to have anything to do with adult dating sites

Women across Britain point blank refusing to have sex with the perverts and weirdos that join hook up sites expecting a no commitment shag.

Adult dating sites find new ways to attract gullible men that are lazy

As part of a strategy to target ‘lazy men’ adult dating sites are now claiming you can meet and shag the woman next door for the price of a premium subscription.

Dating sites admit ‘errors were made’ in data hacking cover-up

Two top adult dating sites have finally admitted that their efforts to cover up serious security flaws in the way they store sensitive member details were ‘not good enough’.

In a joint statement last night, representatives of both adult dating sites said, “We are deeply sorry the processes we had in place to cover our tracks in the event of members’ personal details being stolen have proven to be woefully inadequate.

“We would like to assure our business partners and stakeholders that lessons have been learned and that in future we will stop at nothing to ensure everything possible is done to cover up whatever needs to be covered up.”

Shock as awful sites get hacked

The country’s leading adult dating sites have admitted secure member details are not that secure after all.

Adult dating sites have member details hacked
The stolen information is thought to include tens of thousands of members’ identities, contact details, home addresses, bank account and credit card details and their sexual preferences.

Sex dating sites: Upgrading to a premium account worth same as free membership

Upgrading your free sex dating membership to a monthly pay-for-subscription is the worst thing you can do, it has been revealed.

The only difference between free membership and a premium membership is that one is free and the other you have to pay for. Men are told to upgrade their membership to meet local women for sex. However, the truth is upgrading your membership won’t make a blind bit of difference because it’s all a load of bollocks, according to thousands of men who have already tried it and been taken in by this scam.

Woman asks: ‘What are sex dating sites for?’ then laughs when told

A 35 year old married woman and self confessed serial cheater said: “The thought of joining such a site to hook up with creepy male members is something no woman would ever do, ever.

And you say some men actually believe they can meet women through these sites, hahaha, that is so funny”.

Country stunned by revelation ‘sex dating site has female member’

The whole nation was stunned momentarily when it was announced that at least one sex dating site had a women registered as one of its members. The announcement was made by a spokesman for the UK adult dating market, however, he was later force-fed fistfuls of humble pie when it came out that the announcement was in fact just another cheap marketing ploy designed to trick men into believing they could meet this woman for sex.

John Bonk chairmen of ‘Men who want to hook up tonight’ said: “When the announcement was made I lit a candle and looked up to heaven because I thought my prays had been answered, but my excitement was short lived because within 60 seconds my members had exposed the claim to be utter bollocks”.

Women ‘relaxed’ about sex dating sites because they only scam men

Every women in Britain has issued a collective statement saying that they are frankly not that arsed about men falling for what is an obvious scam, because it does not affect them one jot.

Sex dating sites in trouble ‘again’ over data falsification

Claims that sex dating sites falsify female member numbers has reared its ugly head again, although the only men who join such sites are rather strange with a lot of time on their hands, it is claimed.

“I only joined because the site said I would be able to fuck someone’s wife tonight.

“Without getting sex five times a day my life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void of nothingness”, said disgruntled subscription payer Dave Fish.

Men should not take sex dating sites seriously, according to a man

“No sane man should believe claims he can meet local women for sex through these sites”, a man said.

Dave Fish, member of a sex dating site said: “I’ve been a member for four years now and have yet to get a shag locally or anywhere else, despite having had lots of female interest. But every time push comes to shove they just vanish.

Adding: “If these sites have real women which I doubt, they are hidden in offshore accounts”.

A claim strenuously denied by their Nigerian born head of email message marketing, who said: “Look, sex dating sites have come in for a lot of flack recently, what with members’ financial details, perverse sexual preferences and personal information being hacked and allegations we mislead men with false claims they can meet local women for sex. Let me tell you this, every email that comes out of Nigeria is absolutely, totally and definitely genuine. Trust me I speak the truth”.

Dodgy dating sites accused of misleading thousands of men – are you one of them?

Sex dating sites literally con thousands of men every day into paying monthly subscriptions in the belief they can meet local women for sex, it is alleged.

“What we are seeing is market-wide mis-selling on a massive scale”, said lead investigative journalist Peter Smart.

“Sex dating sites prey on gullible sex obsessed men by lying to them about the prospect of hooking up with women and having casual sex, but it’s all a scam”, he said.

Female profiles on sex dating sites reach ‘critical mass’, according to the market’s biggest tosspot

The number of female profiles on sex dating sites now outnumber male members by 2/1 according to Brian Ripoff, the market’s highest performing affiliate and chief bullshitter.

Sex dating sites brilliant, says their agent

The man paid by sex dating sites to say they are the best thing since sliced bread has revealed they are the best thing since sliced bread.

Agent Colin Conman said: “Anyone who disagrees is wrong and can eat my shit”.

Adult dating advertising misleading, claim men who can’t get a shag

Adult dating sites are not in breach of current EU advertising guidelines even if 0% of sites that claim thousands of active female members have none, according to the UK Advertising Standards Authority.

“It is extremely frustrating that we are not able to shut these scam sites down but there it is”, said a spokesman for the advertising watchdog.

Dave Fish from the Institute of Men Wanting A Shag said: “The way these adult sites work is to trick us into thinking we can meet local women for sex but it’s simply not true.

“It is outrageous that these sites continue to get away with advertising this bullshit”. Adding: “The sooner we leave this fucked up EU with it bollocks rules and regulations the better it will be for men everywhere”.

Gay man discovers straight men pay for sex with women that don’t exist then dies laughing

“Jeremy was openly gay”, said friend Justin Fitzpatrick adding “When Jeremy discovered how much straight men happily pay sex dating sites for sex with women that don’t exist he simply burst out laughing uncontrollably, held his chest and then collapsed and died.”

Investigation into misleading sex dating sites halted

Sex dating site owners breath a sigh of relief after employing a team of other sex dating site owners to investigate claims their marketing is misleading men on an industrial scale. The report, written by one set of twats investigating another set of twats, says that the overwhelming evidence that sex dating sites lie about having female members and men being able to meet women for sex is a legitimate tactic to sucker in stupid men.

“Well that’s a relief”, said one sex dating site owner who was investigated. “I was honestly expecting the shit to hit the fan big time. Phew.”

Sex dating site no one uses to be acquired by site everyone hates

A leading sex dating site is planning to acquire a struggling rival site and corner the lucrative market in stupid men wanting to have sex with women who weigh over 24 stone, it has been revealed.

Sex dating site owner: I only use truth avoidance techniques, never truth evasion techniques

A site owner says his business only employs ‘legitimate’ truth avoidance techniques when responding to members’ complaining that there are no real women on his site, despite claiming men can meet women for real sex, and denies accusations of truth evasion.

Calls for sex dating site owners to be kicked up the arse gathers momentum

A call for the owners of all scam sex dating sites to be kicked up the arse every day gains widespread support from disgruntled members who claim they have been royally ripped off.

“We have suddenly realised that everything about these sites is ridiculously unbelievable,” said gold member Dave Fish.

Real women and fake women same thing, wankers told

Sex dating site promoter discovers male gullibility gene. The gene causes carriers to believe everything they are told.

Shameless sex dating site operators doing nothing to conceal lies

It has been claimed that those who run sex dating sites are blatantly lying about female membership numbers.

There are hundreds of reviews online from dissatisfied members who claim they have yet to discover a real women on a sex dating site. This has led men to the conclusion that claims they can ‘meet women for sex’ are totally untrue.

The promoter of a sex dating site said: “I can’t understand what the problem is, it is clear from the feedback I see that members are wanting more and more made-up profiles of women that don’t exist. All these negative reviews are just huge piles of shit written be people that clearly don’t understand the money-making concept behind the business we are in.”

Sex dating websites ‘all the same’, says comparison site

Sex dating services will never feature on Internet comparison sites because there is no comparison to make, it has been claimed.

A spokesperson for ‘Compare This-to-That’ said: “Sex dating sites are identical and in every respect. Each one being nothing more than a clone of the original ‘master site’. All sex dating sites look the same, they all say the same thing and all tell the same set of lies.

Although operators of these sites try to fool us into thinking each site is different, no one should be taken-in because it’s just colours and fonts fronting a load of utter bollocks.”

Men urged, yet again, to just say no

Sex dating sites now claim to put men in touch with women within 1 metre radius.

A new sex dating site service called ‘InstantShag’ claims it can alert male members to women who want a shag within 100cm of where they are.

Once a match is found, the member is told he must upgrade his membership immediately to a premium account to stand any chance of having sex.

The owner of a leading sex dating site said: “The beauty of this new scam, sorry I meant feature, means men will now be rushing to give us their bank account details and credit card information faster than ever before.”

Some men have already seen the benefits. “I was sceptical at first. But then I received a message from this gorgeous 24 year old blonde with huge tits who claimed to be sitting next to me,” member Gary Dosey said: “It was like a dream come true so I immediately upgraded my membership. Who knows what could happen next?”

But others are not so sure. Dave Dicky from Grimsby said after he upgraded his membership. “I only got one match and that turned out to be the misses. I waited for another match, but no more matches were found. It was a complete waste of money and nearly fucked my marriage.”

‘Optimistic’ to be defined as stupid men expecting to hook up with amazingly hot women for sex

A new standard of optimism has been defined, which is that of a stupid man hoping for something that he should know will never ever happen, ever.

With the latest revelations that sex dating sites don’t have a single female member, men are to focus on wanking instead.

In future, men will have to settle for solo sex rather than believing they can hook up with real women, after sex dating sites’ claim they can ‘meet local women for sex’ is shown to be utter bollocks.

Women would rather watch ‘Bargain Hunt’ than have anything to do with a sex dating site

Women would rather watch repeats of ‘Bargain Hunt’ than engage in casual sex with the kind of creepy men who hang around on sex dating sites, it has emerged.

In a surprisingly frank interview the CEO of a sex dating site said: “I’m not really sure how we are still getting away with all this shit.”

Sex dating site denies claims it is conning men

A spokesman for the site has denied any wrongdoing after it emerged the site does not have one genuine female member.

Furious members say they have been grossly mislead by the site’s claims of having over 30 million active female members, when they don’t have any. Members want their money back and the site shut down.

Tom, a married 30 year old Gold member and spokesman representing his fellow aggrieved members said: “I have written to David Cameron expressing our absolute disgust at how these sites are ripping men off every day but the PM doesn’t give a shit.

“I received a rather curt letter from Downing Street saying the prime minister couldn’t see anything wrong with sex dating sites per se, and that he didn’t have an issue with anyone misleading stupid men if the men eventually learn from their mistakes and it results in wealth creation and increased tax revenue.

“Calls himself prime minister! It is disgusting. We shall all now vote UKIP.”

Sex dating sites deliberately target stupid men

Sex dating sites have become increasingly successful by working their magic on thousands of gullible men, it has emerged.

Sex dating sites now have so many fake female profiles that names are just random jumbles of letters like Kxetrbaby.

Some men not stupid enough, according to sex dating sites

A sex dating site owner has taken a swipe at men who refuse to upgrade their free membership to a monthly subscription.

Malcolm Pratt, owner of one of the UK’s largest scam sex dating sites said: “Despite our best efforts some men are just not as stupid as we would like them to be.

“But we carry on sending them messages from fake two-dimensional women that don’t exist until they finally fall for it.

“Have you seen Kim Kardashian’s tits.”

Stupid sex obsessed men are stupid and sex obsessed, say sex dating sites

The combination of male stupidity and sexual obsession make men an easy target for sex dating site scams, says the Institute of Casual Sex.

Nicola Jones, lead researcher at the Institute said: “We believe that sex dating sites have discovered the pure atomic essence of male stupidity and are using this information most effectively for personal financial gain.

“This, together with an amazing ability to concoct ever more persuasive female personas, which con men into thinking they can have sex with women in real life, has resulted in sex dating sites being incredibly successful at making money.”

Adding: “Membership is linked to being stupid. There is plenty of evidence of a direct link between men that upgrade from a free membership to a monthly subscription and thickness.”

Most people wonder why sex dating sites have not been shut down

Women say, stop associating us with these bullshit sites. Everyone knows sex dating sites are just scams to con men out of money, so why are they still operating? And why do men still believe all this crap?

Dave, 42, a premium sex dating site member said: “When I first joined it was easy to find an attractive 20 year old blonde with big tits and nice photos, but female profiles now are just full of random bullshit and naff pictures.

“I would cancel my membership today, if they would let me.”

Mafia ‘in awe’ of sex dating sites

The gangsters have expressed their admiration for the way sex dating sites operate, which they consider to be the most beautiful racket ever devised.

Wiseguy, Tommy Gun Ricci said: “First they hook guys in with bullshit promises of sex with women that don’t exist. Then boom, the guys find themselves paying a monthly subscription they can’t get out of.

“You know the best thing? When they want more cash they just cook up some more bullshit profiles or launch another site. I gotta admire the simplicity of the whole thing. Sex and exploitation, we gotta look at getting into this.”

“And should anyone complain, they would get the absolute shit kicked out of them. Lovin it.”

Two leading sex dating sites merge to create one mega bullshit site

A new ‘super-sized’ sex dating site claims to have 34.3 million active UK female members, a number that exceeds the total UK female population.

When asked about this anomaly, the spokesman said: “You need to understand how sex dating sites calculate membership numbers and formulate gender balancing statistics. It’s what’s known in the game as ‘Fuzzy Logic’ or the ‘Golden Ratio’. You see, advertised membership numbers are not just random numbers plucked out of a hat, they have been very carefully worked based on complicated maths, which I won’t bore you with right now, but suffice to say it involves things like ‘compact’, ‘real’, ‘imaginary’, ‘complex’, ‘normal’ and ‘expected’ numbers all being ‘blended’ together to arrive at the optimum profit figure.

“Basically, our membership and importantly the split between male and female members is whatever our site owner says it is, right. But don’t tell anyone, or I’ll be fucked. OK.

Adding: “We plan to launch a new niche sex dating site aimed at men wanting casual sex with women who wear glasses. You know the ‘sexy secretary’ type. I don’t know what it is about men and women with glasses, but there is a striking transformation from ‘clever’ to gorgeous’ when women take off their glasses. It is bound to convert well. He he he!”

Men paying to join sex dating sites proves a total waste of money

Men who join dating sites expecting to meet women for a casual shag would be better off having a wank in the bog, it has been revealed.

Sex dating sites are nothing more than a massive scam on an industry dreamt up by clever con men, it has been alleged. As sex dating site owners continue to rake in millions of pounds a year, men everywhere are left wondering how they could have been so stupid as to fall for such a rip off racket.

John, 54, said: “I joined this sex dating site because they claimed to have local women I could meet for casual sex, but this has turned out to be utter bullshit. I tried to cancel my subscription and get my money back, but was told to fuck off.

“The people behind these scam sites are a complete set of bastards. And the authorities don’t give a shit.”

Sex Dating Sites: Hot women wanting to meet for casual sex is a load of bollocks, discover furious men

It has been revealed that the secret to becoming incredibly wealthy may be to launch a sex dating site and take money off men by claiming they can meet women for casual sex.

Men’s stupidity up 80 per cent since Tuesday

There has been a significant surge in the number of stupid men upgrading their free sex dating site memberships. This has been attributed to more proactive marketing on the part of sex dating sites, site owners using more elaborate fictional profile writers, and the seasonal shift from winter to spring when men naturally feel a greater desire to stick their cocks into as many vaginas as possible.

Apparently men who upgrade their sex dating site membership get far more attention from women that don’t exist

It has been shown that men who upgrade from a FREE sex dating site membership to that of a subscription based payment account receive up to eight times more female attention than men too tight to part with their money.

“We devote a certain amount of energy and resources to persuading gullible man to upgrade their accounts from ‘free’ to ‘subscription’ based and part with their hard earned cash. And the best way we find to do this is to bombard them with ‘personal’ messages from imaginary women who fit the preferences they entered into their ‘who I would like to meet’ section of their profiles,” said Dave, who is in charge of membership upgrades at a well known sex dating site.

Adding: “It tends to work like this. The more female members we claim to have, the more men want to join. The more men think they are in with a chance of hooking up with a women for sex the easier it is to get them to upgrade their membership, and the more money we make.

“FREE membership is nothing more than the ‘hook’ that all sex dating sites use to draw men in and con them out of money. A free membership is less than worthless because you can’t doing anything with it, except upgrade it.

“We boast 4.5 million female members in the UK. Beat that.”

Sex Dating Sites lie about having female members

Lying about having a female membership and telling men who complain about it to ‘fuck off’ is entirely justified on the grounds of making money, say sex dating site owners.

Sex Dating Site outsource elaborate fictional profile writing to a bloke in India

Sex Dating Site owners continue to exploit sexually frustrated men, making shed loads of money off the back of promoting female members that don’t exist.

“There are so many men wanting to hook up with women, that we simply couldn’t keep up with producing enough elaborate fictional profiles men would believe in, so we get them written in India by a bloke who can knock out a hundred for the equivalent of one British pound”, said one sex dating site owner.

Adding: “If banks, building societies and other reputable businesses can outsource to India and get away with it so can we.”

Men learn truth about sex dating sites, and are not happy

Men discover that all sex dating sites lie about having female members but carry on paying their subscriptions anyway, living in hope that this might change.

Joining a sex dating site good alternative to doing fuck all, says a site owner

Men who are lonely and want to be liked by women are better off joining a sex dating site rather than sitting in a chair and starring into space, it has been claimed by a sex dating site owner.

Sex dating sites that claim thousands of active female members actually have none, it has been revealed

Women say sex dating sites are full of dirty old men, weirdos and perverts and wouldn’t join one even if they got paid, according to new research from the Casual Sex Institute.

Men suspect sex dating sites may be lying about having female members

But they come across so convincingly say frustrated male members.

John, the owner of a sex dating site said: “Don’t blame us that men sort of assume they can hook up with women for sex just because we say ‘this is a sex dating site’ and ‘meet local women for sex’. That’s all legitimate marketing hype. What man in his right mind believes such utter bullshit?”

Adding: “My plan is to get every man in the UK to pay me for a premium membership, then I will be as rich as Simon Cowell ….. maybe.”

Subscribing to a sex dating site is the most pointless thing a man can do, it has emerged

Men are encouraged to imagine themselves in the most unlikely sexual scenarios with the hottest, horniest, sexiest women they will never meet because none of the women really exist.

Sex dating sites still spouting shit, in case you were wondering

Sex dating site owners decide on a cunning new plan to rope in non-users.

Every man who is not already subscribed to a sex dating service is to be given 500,000 free credits or a month’s Gold membership so they can experience the excitement and anticipation of no strings attached sex with imaginary women.

Stupid man reckons he’s in for a shag

A stupid man says he believes he will get to meet a woman in real-life very soon.

Colin, a 33 year old unemployed loser from north London told us: “Since I upgraded my free sex dating site membership to a Platinum account I have been simply inundated with messages from unbelievably gorgeous women saying they want to hook up with me for sex.

“I am particularly excited by the prospect of shagging this 24 year old blonde who messaged me. She’s called Stacey, lives in Hackney and has huge tits.

“It wasn’t instinct that made me upgrade my membership, it was a calculated decision based on the site saying it has over 10 million female members in north London wanting sex as soon as possible.

“I thought to myself, ‘get it there Colin’.

“Now, I’m far from good looking and I accept I’ve got a few personal hygiene issues, but the girls on the site don’t seem to care. As the saying goes: ‘there’s someone for everyone’ but I didn’t really believe it, until now.”

Universally despised owner of UK sex dating site says: Don’t blame me for men being thick

Adding: “Any man who won’t upgrade his ‘free membership’ can piss off.

“His personal details, including his perverse sexual preferences will be written down and sold to the highest bidder. Whatever’s left will be dumped in the nearest skip.”

Men reminded that sex dating sites are full of shit

Sex dating site owner says: ‘Fuck you’ to lonely sad old men expecting to meet real women on his scam sites.

“My upgraded membership is less than worthless.” says 45 year old premium member Kevin, who now accepts he’s been a twat.

“When I asked for a refund I was told I was fed the bullshit I deserved.”

Men who upgrade their ‘free membership’ to a premium service don’t know how to cancel their subscriptions, it has been revealed

Sex dating site owner’s face frozen in self-satisfied smirk, claiming: “Moaners and complainers are just grumpy twats.”

Sex dating sites now more popular in Scotland

“Whisky drinkers will believe anything,” says sex dating site owner.

“Alcohol makes it all much more believable. And no I don’t feel guilty taking money off stupid men who believe the utter bullshit they read on sex dating sites.”

Adding “Upgrading a free membership to a subscription based rip-off is not compulsory you know.”

“Sex dating sites have a great business model” says scam sex dating site owner

Adding: “Look, the simple truth is this: 100 per cent of men who join a sex dating site and upgrade their free membership are nothing more than gullible fools. ‘kerching!’

“They are either as thick as pig shit, or vain self-absorbed idiots.”

Sex dating sites completely fail to explain total lack of female members

“Most men can’t tell the difference between what’s true and what’s over-hyped bullshit”, says site owner.

Woman who attempted to join sex dating site never heard of again

The owner of a sex dating review site said: “If there was one real sex dating site out there we would tell you. But there isn’t so we can’t.”

“Stop asking us things”, says sex dating site’s customer services

Adding: “If you join a sex dating site wanting nothing but fanny, you will be disappointed.

“In any event, we don’t believe our members miss their monthly subscriptions. It’s all tedious bullshit, but there it is. We’re coining it in. Thank you and good bye”

Men with ‘bullshit detectors’ seem to believe a lot of bullshit

“When it comes to expectations of hooking up with women in real life for sex, men still think they’re in with a chance. Hahah!.” Says sex dating site owner.

Well known MILF sex dating site blames lack of real MILF members on sharp fall in wives worth fucking

Saying: “So obviously, we have to make all this shit up about having female members on our site.”

Sex dating sites are evolving, but not in a good way

As scam sex dating sites make the C-word go mainstream, sex dating site owners have defended their rip-off practices by claiming that they understand men’s
appetite for filth and are purely spouting the nauseating bullshit men want to hear.

So expect more bullshit to come from the usual bunch of self-regarding bullshitters.

Sex dating site facing imminent closure to offer PPI reclaims service

A sex dating site facing allegations of misleading thousands of men into believing they could meet women in real life for sex is about to be shut down, and will turn to offering a PPI reclaims service, it has emerged.

Site owner says: “Why not, we know an awful lot about an awful lot of people.”

Sex dating site bullshit up 34 per cent on last year

“A new, more enhanced software for sex dating sites has been developed”, says arsehole developer.

Adding: “It will be fully automated and can replace boring profiles that aren’t working with enhanced fictional versions.”

Baffled: why men sign up to sex dating sites?

They are brilliant, say idiotic male members who have come out in force to defend their right to believe in bullshit rather than relying on intelligence and common sense.

Sex dating sites face having to come up with new range of bullshit excuses

Sex dating site owners need to come up with much more creative bullshit to hide the fact they don’t have any female members.

Sex dating sites now ‘99% bullshit’, survey finds. Sex dating sites now declared 100 per cent fictional, according to the vast majority of subscription paying members.

“Subscriptions are used to distinguish between time-wasters and free-loaders and men who are too stupid to know when they are being scammed”, says leading
sex dating site owner.

Adding: “Seducing stupid men into parting with their hard earned cash by selling them worthless membership upgrades has worked brilliantly for years on thousands of gullible men and long may it continue. Thank you. I’m off to collect my brand new, top of the range Mercedes now.

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Sex Dating Sites: “…most of these sites are fake and filled with tons of spammers.”

The Hook Up Guide :

Credits. Contributing Writers:
Richard ‘Rich’ Barnett
Jenna Birch
Dan ‘the man’ Copeland
Dave Edwards AKA Dave Fish
Gary Langton
Dawn Marshall
Simon Pritchard
John Richards
John ‘Stevie’ Stephenson
Ian Ward

A big thank you to all our extremely talented contributing writers for their valuable input. We love you all so much.
Emma and all the crew at XXX HQ

Want to contribute? Then send us ‘your pitch’. It must be relevant, on topic and attention grabbing (but not too long or too short, just perfectly the right length!). Oh, and it should make at least three of us smile if not lol. OK? Now off you go…

– – – Disclaimer – – –

Our sex dating site headlines, articles and reviews take the piss out of scam dating sites, are based around satire and are for entertainment and amusement. Basically, we make this stuff up and it is not intended to be taken seriously. Any relationship between what we have written and reality is coincidental, probably! The anatomy of a scam dating site is 50% gullible men and 50% bullshit.

9 thoughts on “Sex Dating Sites: Exposed (updated daily)

  1. They are all scams. Unfortunately I have wasted a lot of money to find this out. Adult Friend Finder is one big scam and so is Match.com and eHarmony. You get sucked in with “free weekends” or “free to join” then get bombarded with messages from fake women asking you to contact them, but first you have to pay. As soon as you pay your membership, those women all disappear. As soon as eHaemony got my money, they told me that they could not match me with anyone! I’m not rich and don’t ride a Harley but other than that I’m a normal single white male.

  2. Nope…all sex sites are scams. Don’t waste your money. I know girls that get paid to be on sites like xxxdating and xxxconnect and Ashley Madison. Its all a scam. And for the record.. Eharmony is NO different than any other dating site. The best one is free plenty of fish. Lavalife is OK, but costs to talk to women. But I hooked up with lots of girls on plenty, lavalife .. Eharmony was a joke. Its no different than any other dating site. I would never recommend harmony to any one unless they lived in the south pole and only had dial up access to only that site…and even then, the penguins would get more action than you that weekend.

  3. Just as a note, I have also found the sex sites to be scams, but was very careful and didn’t invest any money, was vague with my details and lied about anything sensitive like town and name.

  4. Watch out! adult dating review sites are in on the scam too. They are run by affiliates on the payroll of the dating scammers and get paid for pushing traffic through affiliate links. There’s no genuine reviews. Not to be trusted.

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