Anal sex is a topic many people don't feel comfortable talking about, because
it's commonly considered a taboo subject in contemporary culture.
However, let's face it, we've all thought about anal sex - even if it was just
to rule it out. So, if you're feeling curious about having anal sex, here's what
you need to know.
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Here at XXXSC HQ we understand
some readers will be into anal sex but that others won't be. Our intention is not
to force any ideology on anyone, but simply share information that could be helpful
to those of you that are interested. Again, we appreciate all your honest feedback.
Thanks, Emma. XXXSC HQ
Why are men fascinated by anal sex?
It's been reported that 1 in 5 men frequently engage in anal sex. If the woman
is agreeable, her partner can live out a domination fantasy. From a purely physical
point of view, anal sex can be particularly enjoyable for a man. The anal sphincter
(a great word, right?) is much tighter than the vagina so the penis is squeezed
and the enjoyment is far more intense for him.
HELEN, ESSEX, SAYS
Yeah well, anal sex would
be a no. No way, no how. Leave it to porn stars I say. Helen, 19, Essex
What do women think?
Only a small percentage of women will consent to have anal sex. 15% acknowledge
to having tried it and only 32% of those said they actually enjoyed it. Some women
say no to anal sex because they're worried about the pain they will experience or
because they think it's humiliating. With a thoughtful partner, such unwillingness
can fade away.
FIONA, MANCHESTER, SAYS
I'm sick of negative
comments. If you haven't tried it, keep your inexperienced mouth shut. Fiona,
ANAL SEX POSITIONS
Anal sex is the bedroom's equivalent to having 'Marmite' (you'll either love
it or hate it), but if you're determined to have yourself some anal action, then
there's a few sex positions you need to make sure you cross off your list.
For starters, anal sex positions can be much more daring than just pulling off
a porn star doggy style event. In reality, doggy style can be one of the least pleasurable
positions when you first start off with anal sex – now who would have thought that?
We asked a number of women who frequently engage in anal sex and who, most importantly,
really enjoy the experience just to get their take on which positions are the most
OMG for behind the scenes action.
Super-sexy Sadie, 35, from Tottenham told us before
getting down to business you need to know and respect that anal sex is a VERY DIFFERENT
ball game to front-fun, this means you'll both need to act with a bit more preparation
and care before trying to jump in.
GAIL, GLASGOW, SAYS
Listen up. If I don't want
it, I don't want it. I know if I want it or not. Telling me to embrace it is messed
up. If I feel uncomfortable, then that is enough. A woman should never have to endure
pain or discomfort to pleasure a man. Sex is about pleasure for all involved.
Gail, 25, Glasgow
Sessions exploring the anal region, before attempting anal intercourse, is absolutely
central to helping both partners lighten up and find out how their bodies respond
to anal stimulus.
The usual foreplay and gentle massage of the body and buttocks should always
proceed any anal touching. This will (hopefully!) allow the area to relax. You could
start by exploring their anal area with your tongue or your fingers, remembering
to keep your nails short!
You can kick things off by inserting a sex toy, such as a butt plug or anal vibrator,
just to get used to the sensation of having something up the bum. And it's worth
saying that to get the most out of anal sex it's best to engage in lots and lots
of foreplay. Oh, and make sure you have PLENTY of lube to hand!
However, despite the fact that many people still view anal sex as a taboo subject,
there is certainly no shortage of both men and women who have a desire to actively
engage in anal sex, or at least give it a try.
Based on what we can see here, there are plenty of men who fantasise about having
anal sex and plenty of women who share that same fantasy.
DON, COVENTRY, SAYS
Women letting go of the fear
is what they're afraid of! Anal sex can be a pleasure if only you allow yourself
to get used to it. Don, 50, Coventry
So, common or not people are doing it, and those that aren't seem to be thinking
about doing it.
A survey of 3,547 XXX Sex Contacts users (2,985 men and 562 women) confirmed
that up to 63 percent of our users (who responded) have tried anal sex at least
Another interesting fact, of the female respondents, is that a massive 69 percent
admitted they have tried anal sex at least once and of those only 9 percent said
they would refuse to do it - because of negative stories they've read.
Characteristically, it starts with a clueless partner trying to shove it in,
hoping that she will enjoy the experience — only to have the event end in trauma
and pain. How is a woman ever supposed to give anal sex another go, when it felt
that bad the first time around?
SALLY, BRIGHTON, SAYS
Many women including me
find it very enjoyable. I really can't understand why that is so hard to believe.
Sometimes it stimulates me even more than vaginal sex. No one is telling anybody
they must have anal sex just that you could enjoy it if done right. But you need
to be open to trying it to find out. Sally, 36, Brighton
GABBI, 47, from Swansea says she's been lucky enough
to have the opposite encounters with anal sex. The first time I did it I was in
a committed relationship with a guy who happened to be experienced in getting women
comfortable with this kind of stuff. You'll enjoy it, he promised. Plenty of lube
and some coaching later, I was no longer an anal sex virgin. And yes I did enjoy
Since then, anal sex is something I'm comfortable with which is usually off the
usual menu unless I'm with a guy I feel I can trust. Like most women, I have to
be seriously in the mood for it but when it's all systems go and I am properly relaxed,
I can orgasm during anal sex. Recently, I even had a pretty powerful orgasm with
anal-only stimulation, and by that I mean he wasn't even touching any other part
of my body!
HEATHER, 55 and from Essex told us that she's
very disappointed by the really negative comments from other women about their anal
sex experiences. "I suspect most of the negative views stem from a guy deciding
the surprise approach is the way to go. Well for any guys reading this, let me tell
you it isn't" said Heather.
STEVE, MIDLANDS, SAYS
You might learn something
if you open yourself to it. I have done it and have helped several women do it.
It's out there and more than you might imagine. Steve, 40, Midlands
Heather said: "The surprise approach will leave her traumatised and shocked,
at best, and probably mean the poor woman will need a heavy sedative before she'll
even give it another try."
Anyway, just to clear up a few misconceptions about anal sex, we thought it might
be a good idea to give you all a few tips on how you actually CAN enjoy anal sex.
And no, you are not a weirdo. Anal sex between consenting adults is perfectly acceptable.
1. Don't go straight for penetration. First and foremost, invest time in foreplay.
You should be highly aroused before going for it. Reaching an orgasm has to be the
ultimate goal of both parties.
2. A nice glass of something and some foreplay, including anal play will help
a lot. Don't just decide to do it and go for it. While you don't want to drink so
much you go numb or limp, a drink or two to relax may be just what you both need.
MANDY, SUNDERLAND, SAYS
My bloke slammed his
dick up my ass and it hurt like hell. But don't worry girls after 3 or 4 times your
ass will stretch and he will be able pop it in, and with a little anal fingering
before hand and a bucket full of lube it will feel like heaven. Mandy, 33,
3. Get to know yourself first girls. Just as with any good sex, trying something
yourself first may help you relax. It's a good idea to gently massage the opening
of your anus when you next masturbate.
4. Yes, you might feel really naughty. We all know that this is a bit of a taboo
subject, and it's OK to feel a bit weird, dirty or uncomfortable doing it. However,
experimenting with your sexuality and your body is 100 percent natural.
5. It can be a little messy. Dark sheets help. Yes, we're talking about your
anus and things can get somewhat messy. If you're worried, it's a good idea to use
dark coloured sheets so things don't get too weird!
MS VIXEN, LONDON, SAYS
What's good for the goose
is good for the gander. If a guy wants to push his cock up my bum I produce a large
strap-on and offer to give him as good as he wants to give me. You may be surprised
how many guys love anal play and enjoy some anal thrusting up the poop shoot!
Ms Vixen, 39, North London
6. Anal sex should always involve some external stimulation first, so get your
partner to start by gently massaging the outside of your anus, gently.
7. Make sure you have loads of lube. The most important part to having enjoyable
anal sex is to stock up on a good quality lube you can trust, and be sure to use
it on both yourself and on him for maximum ease. Water-based lubricants work best.
8. You must at all times use a condom. The most significant thing to keep in
mind, however, is that you absolutely must change condoms in between vaginal and
9. Try to relax, even though it may hurt a little bit at first. You're here because
you don't want it to hurt, right? We promise you everything will be fine. The important
thing to take away here is to be gentle and stop if you need to.
SARAH-JAYNE, BERKSHIRE, SAYS
Anal sex is not
for everyone but if you want to try it, here's my advice. Have vaginal sex first,
it will make you more relaxed and help remove any sense of urgency which can result
in anal sex being painful. The female must stay in charge and do all the moving.
The man should not be allowed to thrust until his penis is fully inside and the
woman is comfortable. The female is the one who initiates the thrusting. Sarah-Jayne,
10. As the woman, you should take full control. This is very important. Anal
sex will be an unusual experience for you and you'll need to gently guide him in,
never the other way around.
11. One of the sure fire ways to enjoy anal sex is for the woman to be simultaneously
receiving clitoral stimulation. So you should get him to use one of his hands to
rub your clit or, once you're really cracking on try a vibrator either on your clitoris
or try some vaginal penetration.
12. There's no need for the woman to have an enema. While she can if she wants
to, it's not necessary in order to have an enjoyable anal sex experience.
13. One of the most important things I've learned is how critical relaxed breathing
is. When the man is about to make his grand entrance, the woman should inhale a
deep breath and then slowly breathe out as he enters her.
KIM, BRISTOL, SAYS
Thank you for this. I have
searched the Net for helpful information about having anal sex but come up short
until now. Everything is either negative like 'It's horrible but my partner likes
it, so I do it anyway' or the same advice over and over again saying 'use lots of
lube'. I feel far more informed now having read your advice. THANK YOU. Kim,
14. Always begin with a position you can relax in. Some people favour doggy style,
and knees turned in can open the hips and take pressure off the sphincter muscle.
However, some women choose to lie flat on their backs with a pillow beneath their
ass to start with. You should just do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.
15. I find an easy way to begin is by having the man start with a modest penetration,
either during sex or cunnilingus, using a small or bullet vibrator. His finger will
work fine too, and can be used to stretch you out slowly before his excited cock
16. An anal sex orgasm is possible! This is because the female cul-de-sac makes
it achievable with no other stimulation. You can also reach orgasm when having anal
sex if he simultaneously stimulates your clitoris or vagina.
17. Take everything very steady, especially when he starts to slide the head
of his penis into your ass – a good tip here is for you to exhale, then relax and
push out as if you're on the toilet. The pressure from his penis will almost certainly
make you feel as if you are using the toilet. But relax, you're not it's just the
nerve endings tricking you. You may want him to stop once the head of his cock is
in, just to give yourself a few minutes to get used to the feeling of what is happening.
18. It's best to start really, really slowly. Just after he is inside you, have
him very slowly rock back and forth. Allow about five to 10 minutes for your muscles
to start loosening up and for that weird 'wait I need the loo' feeling to subside.
GAIL, LIVERPOOL, SAYS
For what's it's worth my
advice to women here is to do it doggie style so you have the control and freedom
of movement. When it all comes together I can have a really intense organism without
additional stimulation. Gail, 31, Liverpool
19. Don't forget what this is really about. This isn't about you satisfying some
sort of fantasy. This is about mutual pleasure, so try to focus on you as much as
on him. One thing I'd like to say at this stage is that the man needs to be patient
until you're ready to continue.
20. Unpleasant anal sex is nearly always the result of the man being too eager.
And this is another reason why you need to stay in control throughout. Simply going
in fast or having vigorous anal sex is exactly why women are unwilling to revisit
the experience and who could blame them.
21. If you are with a man that you suspect is no good at controlling himself
in this situation, you could lie on the side. This means you will be able to stop
him with your hands whilst making it easier for him to stimulate your clitoris.
22. Don't be frightened to talk through any discomfort. I can't emphasise enough
how important it is to communicate openly throughout engaging in anal sex. Make
sure he knows how you are feeling and be honest with him. If you have had enough
for now, just say so and he should respect that and stop. There is nothing to say
you must reach a climax – you can always do it again if that's what you both want.
There's no rush. It must be comfortable and enjoyable and if it's not, stop.
23. There should be good communication before, during and after engaging in anal
sex and you should feel comfortable talking about 'how it was for you'. You should
be open and understanding to his needs, but you must demand the same in return.
24. Finally, if anal sex is not for you that are fine, I accept we are all different
and it's not going to suit everyone. On the other hand if you did enjoy it, that's
25. You can now give yourself a pat on the back (or a big bar of chocolate!)
for trying something new. If it turned out to be a big disappointment or you didn't
really enjoy the experience with that particular partner don't worry, I'm sure you
will have the opportunity again to enter into the taboo world that is anal sex!
CAROL, LONDON, SAYS
Thanks for the article. Although
very interesting and informative anal sex is not for me. No way, germ filled and
unnecessary. If you have a partner with small equipment who thinks anal sex is the
answer, tell him to jog off!. Carol, 36, London
Anal Sex Fantasy?
Even though anal sex is certainly more out there than it used to be, it still
isn't exactly mainstream yet. Regardless of the fact that we've been experiencing
a sexual uprising of sorts over the past decade and feel more relaxed discussing
sexual topics that were previously taboo, the term 'anal sex' is often still met
with a flinch.
The unfortunate reality is there are tons of negative anal sex stories that have,
not surprisingly, led many people to declare that hole an 'exit only' zone.
For some women anal sex may not be the favourite thing on their sex menu, but
once in a while it could prove to be a most enjoyable change from the norm.
DAWN, BIRMINGHAM, SAYS
Thank you for this helpful
advice. If the man has a big one surely it's going to hurt?! I couldn't face doing
it with a bigger than average guy.
Dawn, 30, Birmingham
BE CAREFUL. BE GENTLE. BE PREPARED
slowly - anal sex needs to be enjoyable for both partners
Rear Entry Lovers