BONDAGE FETISHES

Bondage itself does not automatically mean sadomasochism. Bondage may be used as an end in itself, as in the case of rope bondage and tit bondage. It may also be used as a part of sex or in combination with other BDSM deeds.

The letter 'B' in the acronym 'BDSM' comes from the word 'bondage'. Sexuality and erotica are significant aspects in bondage.

RICHARD, OXFORD, SAYS
I've just realised that tying a woman up is a kind of foreplay. It takes time. It takes trust. It involves touching. It's personal. It's intimate. It actually makes perfect sense that women love it. Richard, Oxford

Ready to go to the next level and experiment more?

What about trying a pair of nipple clamps?
Nipple clamps can deliver a sort of nice-pain to turn you on. Or then there's a range of floggers, whips and paddles, all of which are great if you're into sensation-play.

Bondage accessories can help create an even more intense and pleasurable experience, particularly if the person on the receiving end is restrained and can't get away.

For most people into bondage, the best bit is experimentation; you can be the one wielding the riding crop or locking those handcuffs on your partner, or your partner could be the one inserting a ball gag into your mouth. The point here is this; anyone can experience complete surrender of his or her innermost fantasies by allowing their partner to take full control and following their every sexy command.

TILLY, GLASGOW, SAYS
For me bondage is extremely intimate. When I place trust in another and they place trust in me it's a thrilling dynamic. I've also found that engaging in bondage promotes stronger, more passionate relationships than in 'vanilla' life. Tilly, 36, Glasgow

The reality is that bondage can alter the balance of authority and control which normally exists in a relationship. The stronger partner for instance, can be rendered powerless, which in itself can be a very exciting experience.

A frequent rationale for the dominant partner to tie up their submissive partner is so that each may gain sexual satisfaction from the restrained partner's submission and the sense of the transitory shift of control and power.

For sadomasochistic people, bondage is regularly used as a means to an end, where the restrained partner is more available to other sadomasochistic deeds. The restrained partner can gain physical gratification from the feeling of vulnerability and immobility, and the dominant partner can gain visual satisfaction and fulfilment from seeing their partner restrained and immobilised.

The stronger partner can be rendered passive, whilst the weaker partner takes on a dominant role. This switching of power and influence can often open up new physical, emotional, sensual and imaginative horizons.

COLIN, BEDFORDSHIRE, SAYS
Have you ever held your lover's wrists? Smacked her bottom? Blindfolded her? Then you too have engaged in a form of power exchange. Good was it? Colin, Bedfordshire

Some couples include bondage into their sex lives from time to time whilst others resort to bondage repeatedly, and find sexual bondage can improve their sex lives and trust levels.

Bondage often takes the form of sex games or sexual fantasy performance. Bedroom bondage games are frequently used as a form of foreplay.

Bondage requires and implies a level of trust and surrender of control by the submissive partner to the dominant partner. The restrained partner (the submissive or 'bottom') surrenders his or her control to the other partner (the Dom or 'top'). This surrender of control happens willingly and under common understanding and consent.

If we were to select just one reason for introducing bondage to an otherwise vanilla relationship, this would probably be it. No one should undervalue how exciting and thrilling consensual bondage can be.

THOMAS, LONDON, SAYS
I liked being gagged and tied because I'm usually the dominant one in bed, so it's a nice kinky change feeling helpless. Thomas, London

Just to be clear, we're talking about redress of physical power and consensual sexual-bondage between consenting adults, which is quite different to obsessive sadomasochistic sexual practices which can go too far.

SUBMISSION

Bondage and submission are unsurprisingly complimentary. Being tied and powerless at the hands of the Dom adds edge to the play and is extremely representative of submission.

The sense of being made to feel exposed and accessible is predominantly heightened in positions where the legs are spread and tied because the sub's genitals will be vulnerable and open to physical abuse and manipulation.

GEORGINA, KENT, SAY
Being submissive with the right partner can be fun. But always know your limits and the other person. Try it. You'll probably love it. Georgina, Kent

The most important aspect of sexual bondage is that it renders the restrained person helpless to a range of sex acts. The sub is reliant on the Dom for their sexual fulfilment, who may treat the sub as their personal sex object.

As with all BDSM games, the activity itself must be consensual and will require an adequate level of trust between those involved, but especially so for the submissive who will be at the mercy of the Dom.

Because subs are allowing themselves to be rendered powerless to resist, there needs to be a greater level of trust between partners engaged in BDSM than with almost any other kind of sexual activity. That's why one of the benefits of BDSM is that it helps to develop deeper levels of trust between BDSM partners.

KATY, ESSEX, SAYS
I'm a fan of bondage BDSM, and have a hard time understanding why some people don't like it. Are people weird or is it me?! Katy, Essex

Engaging in bondage-sex is an instrument of control. The rope, principally knots become 'handles' that allow a submissive to be totally controlled in a very dominant way. Rope can also be used as a lead.

When a rod is used to tie wrists and ankles (with the legs-spread far apart) the Dom can use the rod to (cautiously) toss a person from seated to an especially helpless bottom up position.

The consequence of being tied in an unbalanced position, at the same time as being supported firmly from above by a safety rope, can be fairly emotionally distressing at first time, especially if blindfolded. This is where a high level of trust comes in.

CARLOS, BARCELONA, SAYS
Keeping an open mind about fetish or kinky sex can help to be more accepting of the sexual choices other people make. Don't be too quick to close off options I say, especially ones you haven't tried. Carlos, Barcelona

FETISHISM AND ROLE-PLAY

For many practitioners of BDSM play, the thrill of bondage is in the application of their preferred means of restraint. Examples of which might be a body bag, strait-jacket or a chastity device.

The method of restraint is likely to be central to much of the role-play in bondage sessions. Obviously without some form of restraint many games, e.g. prisoner or kidnap scenarios, would be missing the major element and wouldn't work. Of course, appropriate restraints can themselves be significant in creating the fantasy.

Bondage can be an introduction to or a launch pad of SM play, which means that bondage is not necessarily the final destination for those involved.

There are varying 'levels' of bondage too. Bondage can be mild, but can also be used to cause discomfort, both physically and psychologically, by making the submissive feel uncomfortable or humiliated. However, this must NEVER happen without the consent of the submissive on the receiving end of the discomfort or humiliation.

MASTER COLIN, BLACKPOOL, SAYS
Even 'normal' people could find this kink compelling. Master Malcolm, Blackpool

The Dom is looking to gain erotic gratification or attain sexual stimulation from being in a dominant position, while the sub can reach arousal from being in a principally 'helpless' situation and in the hands of a trustworthy partner. Either way, the Dom and the sub are, as a rule, playing-out bondage games and acting-out their sexual fantasies.

CHALLENGE AND ESCAPE

The vision of a submissive chained to a St. Andrew's cross wearing a rubber hood and ball gagged isn't everyone's idea of sexual pleasure or fun.

However, bondage can be fairly simple to apply with a little creativeness, using some every day household items and a bit of know-how.

Bondage in the bedroom tends to be a mild form of bondage, with the submissive being tied up or handcuffed. Blindfolds are a widespread part of bedroom play. The restrained submissive is usually sexually stimulated by masturbation, fingering, oral sex, a vibrator, vaginal intercourse or some anal play. Bondage is also used as part of some couple's sexual foreplay i.e. tie-and-tease.

OONA, CUMBRIA, SAYS
I'm pretty kinky when it comes to my sex life. Some people, well, they aren't. But it's all about personal choices, and you need to make the one that fulfils you sexually. And don't worry about what others may think. It's your life. Oona, 46, Kendal, Cumbria

There's also something about bondage that appeals to the escapologist in people, the challenge and struggle of trying to escape. For some, the excitement of restraint games is the thrill of trying to break free.

Some BDSM games necessitate staying-power and are psychologically demanding, such as kidnap or interrogation scenarios. Again, limits need to be defined and respected.

For those who enjoy bondage play, the struggle against their restraints can be highly erotic. But for those who prefer a more vanilla-style relationship, BDSM activities and bondage is just something they don't understand, don't appreciate and think only weird people do.

To sum up, there are numerous benefits to engaging in bondage play (if that's your thing). Not all of them will float your boat of course. However, we hope that you'll see there are loads of possibilities and even the simplest bondage can transform the sexual and psychological dynamics of a relationship - for the better!

JESSICA, GLOUCESTERSHIRE, SAYS
If bondage has piqued your interest it makes sense to follow that interest. I did! JESSICA, 39, Gloucestershire

Contact Women for FREE!